“Sometimes the best way to address not having sex is to stop talking about why you are not having sex and (start playing). Replace the bad experiences with completely new, fun ones.”
- Esther Perel
You may feel you have a troubled sex life. This would not be a surprise, since the vulnerability needed for sex rests on a foundation of good will, trust and positivity. When your relationship struggles, your sex life struggles, too.
Perel, however, is on to something. I remember at one point thinking that my hurts and grudges were getting in my way with sex. I thought “I wonder what would happen if I dropped the hurts and simply decided to have some fun?” So, I tried it and things improved. I was lighter, and we both benefited. You, too, might be able to improve your sex life by playing more – particularly if you both decide to be ‘light’ with each other and ‘replace your bad experiences with new, fun ones’ as Perel suggests.
In the long run, your relationship – and sex life – will only thrive if you are able to heal your hurts and move your relationship into a positive place. But letting go enough to connect sexually may well help.
Could you and your partner start playing? What might help that happen?
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