“The longest relationship we have with anyone is with ourselves, and yet that relationship is often the first one we let slide. Maintaining it brings such comfort, though: Liking your company means that you always have at your beck and call a person who gets you.” - Robin Romm
A Person Who Gets You
I remember a time when my husband and I both said to each other “I don’t like you very much…and, actually, I don’t like me very much, either.” The former comes from repetitive relationship problems with your significant other…but the latter – disliking yourself – comes from forgetting about the relationship you have with your (significant) self. This isn’t about gender. Neither my husband nor I was thriving. This is about thinking so much about the SO that you simply forget about yourself. “I can wait,” you think, and suddenly you are depressed and lonely and have lost touch with the ‘you’ you used to be.
This is not only a very real loss, it’s a terrible place to be!
I urge each of you, if you are not actively taking care of yourself, to start seeking ways to do so. One of the most important things you can do is make sure you are in touch with your own values and boundaries. (If you want more information on this, see The ADHD Effect on Marriage.)
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session begins April 4th - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.