“I have learnt…to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi
We all get angry, even Gandhi. The question is, what do we do with that anger?
Anger is an emotion that should be noticed and accepted like any other – it simply alerts us that something is amiss in our lives. By itself, it’s not bad. But anger hurts us (and our relationships) when we vent it rather than use it productively. The idea that it’s good to ‘vent our anger’ to get it our of our system is simply wrong – it forgets that someone we care about is on the receiving end of that anger, and you can do real damage by venting…damage that inevitably bounces right back at you.
I’m not suggesting you squash your anger. Rather, to paraphrase Gandhi, conserve it and then transmute it into power with which you can change your world. Use your anger as a motivator to make the changes you need to make to improve your own life. When you speak constructively, your partner is more likely to join in, too. It’s easier to be sympathetic to someone who calmly shares their pain and anger than it is to work with someone who has just raked you over the coals.
If you experience anger in your relationship, it’s time to start thinking about how you can ‘transmute that anger into power which can move your world.’
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session will start January 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.