“Our demons lose their power when we pull them out of the depths where they hide and look them in the face in broad daylight.” - Isabele Allende
That Personal Demon - Fear
Fear. That’s a pretty common personal demon. Fear of failure. Fear of disappointing a partner. Fear of being lonely. Fear of living the rest of your life with the same problems you face now. Fear of trying medication. These are just a few of the “demons” that I encounter regularly in couples with whom I work.
Unfortunately, when these demons stay hidden they encourage us to make poor choices. A partner may fear failing or disappointing a partner – and therefore doesn’t try. (But you can’t make a goal if you don’t shoot the ball!) Or you fear trying medication – so don’t do any research about it or talk with a doctor, leaving your symptoms unchanged. You might fear loneliness…and so don’t speak up for yourself, choosing to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy and static.
To move past this paralysis, we must confront this demon, Fear. A good counselor (who understands ADHD!) can help. So can journaling, talking with compassionate friends or your partner (if your relationship feels ‘safe’ enough.) We make many bad decisions under the influence of hidden fear…time to take control and expose it!
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at my marriage and ADHD website, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular eight-session phone seminar ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar.
We're pleased to announce that The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD has been named a finalist in the 2014 USA Best Book Awards Psychology and Mental Health category. Available in Audio Book and Kindle, it explores the emotional "Hot Spots" that couples impacted by ADHD commonly face and what to do about them.
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Please take a moment to investigate the information available to you at my ADHD and Marriage website. It can literally change your life!