“I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. And you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be.” -Martin Luther King
We Are Two Individuals, But One Couple
One of the greatest pleasures, and greatest tests, of being part of a couple is how interconnected you are. You are completely different people and will not (and should not!) be the same. Being differentiated partners is healthy and part of creating a happy relationship.
But Martin Luther King makes a point about our inter-connectedness, too. He was voicing a call to be our best selves in all of our relationships and I suggest to my clients the same thing. You should strive to be your best self, but you won’t get there completely until your partner is also on the right path, and vice versa.
That means two things: First, don’t wait for your partner to make changes – go ahead and look at what you can do to make your situation together happier…and DO IT! Second, celebrate your mutual successes. Every time your partner makes a gain, so do you (and vice versa).
I challenge you to ask yourself – how can I be ‘what I ought to be’?
Thanks for your patience with our website outage the week of November 9th! The adhdmarriage.com site is back up and ready for your use.
American Adults Wanted to Participate in a Brief, Online Mindfulness Study - The intent of this study is to better understand why people may be more or less willing to practice mindfulness. The results will help inform a variety of mindfulness-based treatments, including those for ADHD. Take the study here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.