“Dwelling in the negative simply contributes to its power.” -Fortune cookie
The Power of Negativity
Last week I wrote about gratitude and the joy it can bring. This week I want to talk about what focusing on the negative can do…
Because one way of dwelling in the negative is to spend most of your time focused on ‘what needs to be fixed.’ This is a ‘deficit’ model of thinking. It casts a halo of bad feelings over all aspects of your life, can make your day a slog, and doesn’t feel good to your partner if the item needing to be ‘fixed’ is him or her. (And I’m talking about BOTH partners thinking this way…!)
A better strategy is to focus some discreet periods of time on a few really, really important things you would like to see change. Perhaps you do this with a weekly meeting about emotional topics (in counseling or not) plus some scheduled talk time in between so you had a chance to work through things. Then, spend the rest of your time working on yourself in whatever way feels productive, and finding all the positives in your life to diminish the negatives.
I encourage you to use the power of positive thinking, while diminishing the power of the negative by not allowing yourself to focus there all the time.
And, no, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t address the issues in your relationship! Only that it’s smart to think strategically about how you do it, rather than simply fall prey to the hurtful power of dwelling in the negative.
It's not too late! The live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminarstarted yesterday, January 12th - but you can access the recording (plus any future session you may miss) and join live the next seven sessions. Use Coupon Code MCO16 for a $32 savings. Receive individualized attention and get your questions answered directly by Melissa.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship. The next session will be held in March/April 2016.