“To love yourself, and the other, you must each learn how to learn from pain. It offers a wealth of information, for example, that tells you what is most important to you, what you most care about and value. Your pain is fear … waiting to be transformed into an asset, such as more strength, compassion, understanding, confidence … in other words, a more authentic connection to self and other.”
-Dr. Athena Staik in an article about the four elements of love
Learn from Pain
It’s hard to think of pain as an asset when you are feeling it. Unlike almost any other asset you can think of, all you want to do is get rid of it! But I have to say, the greatest growth I have had in my life has come directly out of the most significant pain I have experienced. After a recent, truly horrific year, for example, I discovered that I was much, much stronger than I had realized. I keep that knowledge with me, and it informs how I am in the world now.
Many people write about the experience of pain transforming into strength, courage and life-focus. Survivors of cancer, affairs, automobile accidents, heart attacks and more often come away from the psychological and physical pain as stronger than they could have been without the trauma.
You may well have pain in your own life. What would happen if you looked at that pain as an opportunity for growth? Or, put another way, if you look at your pain as an opportunity to grow, in what direction would you travel? Towards greater strength? Compassion? Confidence?
It’s a really interesting question to ask yourself…
"Your course is superb; it is so redolent of experience and wisdom, grounded in solid scientific concepts and all delivered with such warmth and clarity…Many thanks and much respect to you."
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Most recent live session started April 4, 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.