“Just for a moment, consider the people who constantly demand that you listen to them and obey them. Now shift gears and think about those few wonderful people you know who accept you, appreciate you, and listen to you.” - Justin Locke, from Real Men Don’t Rehearse
All I have to do is read Locke’s description to have a picture pop into my mind of how nice it is to be with one of those “few wonderful people.”
Listening, accepting and appreciating turns out to be a really hard balance to create in ADHD-impacted relationships for all sorts of reasons – and each couple does it their own way. It helps to actively make sure to create time to show your partner that you accept and appreciate him or her, and make sure you have non-distracted periods to listen to each other. It also helps to know a lot about ADHD. That distraction and emotionality aren’t the hallmarks of not caring – they are symptoms.
In our household, “listening times” typically come over a dinner out – where someone else does all the work and we can just sit and chat. When are your times to just listen to each other? If you can’t think of any, it’s time to create some!
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at my marriage and ADHD website, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar. This eight-session seminar, starting on September 23, 2014, has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and is given by phone, so anyone may participate.
I'm delighted to announce that the Kindle edition and audiobook version of my second book are finally available. Co-authored with Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT, The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD focuses on emotional "hot spots" couples impacted by ADHD commonly face. The book explores why these Hot Spots are so hard to move past, and what to do about them. It's time to move away from anger, frustration and other difficult emotions and learn how to calm your relationship? For more information, go to this link.
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Please take a moment to investigate the information available to you. It can literally change your life!