I am not surprise that I am here again,,blogging and venting...this is no joke,this is no fun...I know what I have to do but still I can't do it...I am not making any excuses here,but something has to be clearly wrong with me.I know what is acceptable from what is not,and yet I proceed to continue living in a lie with my H..His filthy mouth is the thing that I cannot accept,he has no filter.I know that there are things that would itch some of us to tell our spouses but dare to do so.I have had many things that I could have said to him and make him hate me,but what's the point in trying to make someone you love hate you,what's the point in being with someone you are so angry with for things that are so meaningless and not worth fighting over..

examples:

1)My uncle had to travel to London this morning,his flight was at 5 this morning,he asked me to drop him at the airport at 3:15,I said no problem,H got so mad saying that My uncle is so crazy to ask me at that time in the morning and it have bad accidents at that time,drunk driving,my uncle was paying me to do the job,but,b/c my uncle knew that H wanted to go along,my uncle declined,reason being,my uncle is very upset as to how H treats me and wants to have nothing to do with him,and so now I lost 2 hundred dollars..Urrggggg!!!

2)Since my uncle declined,hubby decided he would spend the night still at my home and go to work from here,he was already doing that thinking we was dropping my uncle to the airport,so he stayed any ways..I was a bit skeptical, I know how hard,and how bad he treated me when he use to live by me,I was very scared and worried how things would turn out,and sure enough I was right!..he toss and turn all night long,the TV was on loud,he was frigid on the bed the entire night,and not taking in to consideration that I had to get up at 4:30 in the morning to start my work,I work from home,but my works starts at that time,I run a food business from home and my customers are relying on me for breakfast,and my workers don't get in till 6...he was itching,saying the mosquitoes biting him,then he said it was the flees from my cats,then he said my sewer was smelling,then he said My AC dripping water,then he flies out of here like somebody killing him.,

I was amazed at this behavior,and that I hadn't seen since he moved out my home since 6 or 7 months now,,it's clear that he had a next itch,not the itch on his skin,not the itch in his nose,an itch to go home and proceed with his dirty movies..but he did not have to be so mean,he had no filter for his filthy mouth..I have no cats in my room,My AC needs servicing,but there is nothing I could have done at 4 in the morning,My sewer was not smelling,he just wanted to tell me mean things to make me hurt,sad,upset...but it did not work....

I see,soo many people here,trying to make their marriages work,I am happy for everyone who is trying,unfortunately,mines is a mess,as you all can see..love,,well,love could be so beautiful at first and should be that way right through,give and take a few ups and downs,but when this becomes a normal everyday struggle like mines,then it's time to kick the bucket,don't die,and start to live again...

thanks for reading my thread,I am happy to hear any comments,anything I am prepared for.....

lovehurts....