I have been married for 34 years was diagnosed about 12 years ago with ADD, Bipolar, and Depression. My husband has no sympathy, support, caring, or understanding for me. I lose things then that makes me irresponsible. I am an impulsive shopper no matter ho hard I want to stay on the list. I have begged for hep with this and my kids and my husband all think I should just change my behavior. I am constantly late. I try's hard. Noe I am writing the time for my appointment to be earlier but he still thinks I am irresponsible. I am messy . He hates it. He is a marriage counselor and sees clients at night Sao there is no way I can cook dinner. It is a home office. The worst problem is that I am loud and raise my voice and speak disrespectfully to him. We fight about that. I am sick of being put down, laughed at, criticized, blamed mad I feel lower than low. If I could I would leave. I need the insurance is on reason I can't leave. The history of our relationship and our families keep me here plus I gave no where to go or live. Every one will be mad at me. How can I live the rest of my life like this. I am so unhappy. I pray every night that I will wake up the next day an every thing will be new and refreshed and the love will be back. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. Any tips for me?
Want things to work but I am tired of trying
Submitted by Cdjackets on 10/27/2014.
Let's look at your post..
Submitted by c ur self on
OK, so you misplace stuff, your an impulsive shopper, your have very little sense of timeliness, and you are loud and disrespectful. And you want sympathy, support, caring, and understanding for yourself? Is this right?
I suggest you do a few things, keep it real simple...First set down with no thought for your life or your situation. Look at you husband's life, and your children's lives and ask yourself these questions...How are they handling day to day life and responsibilities? What impact does my existence have on them? Why do they continue to be anywhere around me, when they could leave?
Now, if you answered these questions honestly I think you will come to the conclusion...They stay around because they love me, even though I subject them daily to the listed behaviors.
So I suggest you start loosing the Co-dependent, victim mentality, and start owning your own stuff...Change your pray to one of Thanksgiving..ie,"God you love me with the full force of your love. It is you who gives me the strength and a mind capable of seeing my actions. And, it is you who can give the ability to daily own my stuff and quietly manage my day to day life in you.
REBUKE every self pity thought...LAUGH at yourself....KNOW you are loved....EXPECTATIONS for others, Loose them!....EMPOWER yourself...SEE the reality of your own life (the only one you have any power to change), not how you wished it was...AND never let pride cause you to wallow in pity, project on others, and be unable to ask for and give forgiveness...I think you you are going to be fine....I too will pray for you Cdjackets:) Blessings...
Cdjackets
Submitted by sunlight on
I am sorry that your husband seems to have little empathy for the difficulties you go through in order to get through every day in a non-ADHD, non-bipolar and generally unsupportive world. In fact my first thought was what kind of marriage counsellor he is - he must deal regularly with couples with simialar issues, I wonder how he treats them. He seems to be in complete denial of the realities of your conditions. Has he visited your psychiatrist with you so that the psychiatrist can explain to him that your conditions are physical and not moral or personal failings? Would your psychiatrist offer to explain that to him?
As far as day-to-day and attempting to deal with day-to-day issues, can you pick one thing to try to work on and show to your family that you are making gradual progress? I'm not sure what that could be but, just as an example of the type of thing that I have in mind, my husband would regularly 'lose' items around the house - keys, flashlights, screwdrivers, remotes for tv, music etc. Then of course he would get into a flap and run around angrily making himself late when he couldn't find something, or just go out and buy another of the missing 'thing'. So we bought an over-the-door shoe holder with clear pockets, put it on the door of one of the most frequently used rooms and he tried to remember to put small things in it. Of course he tried for a day or two then ignored it but rather than regard it as a failed experiment I just went on collecting a small 'thing' if I fell over it and put it in a pocket. I didn't tell him that I'd done it (that part is important). Over time he gradually went more frequently to look for missing things in the shoe pockets. Still I said nothing. Over more time, he gradually put an occasional 'thing' in a pocket. Then one day I noticed that the pockets were almost full. I know I didn't fill them (the kids are older and no longer live here). Still I haven't said anything and the pockets continue to receive items and are the first place he looks when he can't remember where something is. I This process took place over 2-3 years. It may seem , to a non-ADHD person, that this was a tortuous and slow process, but to him it's much bigger - he demonstrated to himself almost by accident, over a long period, that he could tackle an issue that previously caused discord. This example may not work for you, but I bet that you can think of something. Don't try asking for sympathy for the particular issue, just ask your family to please do X (eg put keys in a shoe pocket, in this example, if they find them) and thank them for making that effort. Might something like this work?