This is something I did not know, but it would have been nice if I had known it when I was young. When I think of it, it is pretty obvious. I fell for it hundreds of times without realizing it..... My H, the traveling salesman. H's threats are always coated with sugar. People who act "too charming" now get on my nerves because I have been conditioned to expecting ulterior motives after a "charming" episode with him.
From the book, The Gift of Fear: "Charm is another overrated ability. Note that I called it an ability, not an inherent feature of one's personality. Charm is almost always a directed instrument, which, like rapport building, has motive. To charm is to compel, to control by allure or attraction. Think of charm as a verb, not a trait. If you consciously tell yourself, "This person is trying to charm me," as opposed to "This person is charming," you'll be able to see around it. Most often, when you see what's behind charm, it won't be sinister, but other times you'll be glad you looked."
I have re-worked some of the things included in The Gift of Fear to impart some info I found in it: When your intuition senses there is something that is "not right but can't put a finger on it", it is hard to know what your intuition is telling you. When you find yourself bewitched with someone else's charms you may find that you compromised yourself and don't even know how or when that happened. You get confused and lose your integrity. How do you know when someone is toying with you? When you feel that you are confused and feel bad about yourself.
When someone is threatening your well-being, how do you respond? The strategy of “watch and wait" is usually the wisest first step, but people frequently apply another management plan: engage and enrage. We all have a natural urge to do something dramatic when we are threatened or harassed. Here are some tactics of living with a person with Narcissistic traits and listening to your own intuition:
- Listen to your intuition.
- Our intuition fails when it is loaded with inaccurate information. Sort out what is your truths and what are his truths. Accept that sometimes people lie.
- With denial, the details we need for the best predictions float silently by us, unseen and unsued.
- The resource of violence (and defiance) is in everyone – all that changes is our view of the justification.
- Safety justifies a seemingly abrupt and rejecting response from time to time. Saying "no" or insisting on your own truth and needs is a small cost compared to your sanity and integrity.
- Charm is almost always a directed instrument.
- Never show fear when threats are made. Threats are rarely spoken from a position of power, and it is the listener not the speaker who decides how powerful a threat will be.
Charm.....Is Neither Good nor Bad Jenne
Submitted by kellyj on
In context to just this "one application" only, it's deceptive in respect to this one for sure. I just did a long search for some definitions that I'll just throw out there to show you what I came up with?
I started with the word "Muse"...and expanded from there. Here is what the power thesorus came up with, that is really telling to me. From the definition of "Authentic" there was this part which really stood out to me.....〉; it can also stress painstaking or faithful imitation of an original. 〈an authentic reproduction〉 〈authentic Vietnamese cuisine〉 genuine implies actual character not counterfeited
There you go Jenne.....in context, charm can be authentic and implies character when it's not counterfeited. As an artist, these words have a very secific meaning, and what I do and what I have to do all the time, it the painstaking or faithful imititation of an original all the time. That is a genuine reproduction of the orginal, in an authentic way meaning, with my own two bits and subtle style and signature, even if I' copying off the original. Even legally speaking, this is legal as long as I don't try and pass it off as the original or try and sell it as such. As long as you make it by hand and do your own version with the subtle details being different, then this is totally acceptable practice and of course, the customer is happy too? Since they are usually the ones who bring me the picture to copy and make them a version of it that did not come from the original artist. Some have real problem with this, but I really don't. If someone copies me, that is the sincerest form of flattery. As long as they don't try and sell or say that they did it ( which happens all the time anyway!!! LOL ) it's still flattery, that they thought my design was good enough to copy? I am only limited by my imagination on how many originals I can make? I can make a new one, or make it anything I like anytime, and if people want my art, they gave to get it from me and me alone. No one will have my signature and my style exactly since, every single thing I make is different, I'm not trying to copy myself ( usually but that happens too ). And if that's the case, then I will counterfeit myself and just mold it and make a duplicator or let a machine do that for me since that way it's a duplicate of myself ( in other words ) and everyone will be exactly the same which is good. I can make more money that way!!! ( a lot less work and effort to do...for sure!! LOL )
Here's the list of associated words that started with muse.....amusing and charming, entertaining and lively.....to bemuse......and then not amused. I can amuse myself endlessly and if called upon, I can amuse and charm other poeple too in a group or part of a group in a give and take kind of way. Bantering back and forth can be fun and entertaining if it's done well and both people are playing. Some people cannot banter and take this as a form of "making fun of to tease' in a mean spirited way. In a good natured fun spirited way to attract and bond....it can be a positive thing. At the same time, you are willing to concede and make fun of yourself or make yourself the butt of your own joke as a means to break down negativity and break the ice in fun. A Mirthless person I suppose, will only see this as putting someone down or making fun of them and that is always negative. Someone who is charming however....has perfected the art of doing it in a way, that is never mean and only done as means to open things up and become more vulnerable. This is where having a "good" sense, of humor....is all that is but not everyone responds well to the same kind of humor, and what is funny for some. is not funny for others. A charming person I suppose, knows when and how to do this in a way that can only be received in one way and that is the art form of just knowing how to do it and not make it offensive but in person , it's all about timing, intention and delivery. A person who doesn't do this well or when we fail, you'd call that person "boorish" so you always run that risk no matter where you go. Sometimes, you have to take a chance and let the chips fall where they may and be ready to change tack and to it appropriating. Doing it well, is an art form indeed. It shouldn't ever feel like a threat, or used to be fake, and hide something just the opposite. If used to expose something...then that really is being a Muse I guess? A Musser.....not an abuser. And it definitely should not be used to muzzle and prevent the truth from being said. That was defined as or from: musum ( latin for ) muzzle or the "muzzle of an animal".....or said...."with nose in the air". That's not being charming on the receiving end of that. I'm sure without a doubt, I;ve been on both ends of that stick for sure!! LOL ( without any intention behind it and more just not being aware ) Mirthless....would not be very amusing or amused and be chronically negative in that case, not matter what. Can't please everyone all the time anyway so why have that as your expectation to begin with?
About aspiration and identity, love and obsession, authenticity and deception - under " Soul Crushing" and expanding from that you have......
disheartening adj.shock, stress, grief
21
boring adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
21
demeaning adj.humiliation, indignation, feeeling
20
heartbreaking adj.feeling, stress, torture
20
dead-alive adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
20
drab adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
20
dreary adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
20
dull adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
20
boresome adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
19
heart-breaking adj.feeling, stress, torture
19
humdrum adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
18
monotone adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
17
tedious adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
17
tiresome adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
16
harrowing adj.feeling, stress, torture
16
long-winded adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
15
gut-wrenching adj.feeling, stress, torture
15
irksome adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
15
longspun adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
15
monotonous adj.feeling, bore, lifelessness
muse +
(Latin: musum, "muzzle, snout"; Old French muser "to meditate, to ponder", perhaps literally "to go around with one's nose in the air" from muse "muzzle, snout")
amuse, amuses, amused, amusing (verb forms)
1. To divert the attention of someone from serious business by anything trifling, ludicrous, or entertaining.
2. To divert or to please with anything light or cheerful.
3. To amuse someone with an anecdote, by telling him or her a story; to amuse oneself with a puzzle, with, by, or in sketching; to be amused with a toy or whimsical person, by telling a story about an incident.
4. To cause (time) to pass pleasantly, to entertain agreeably; to "beguile", to while away the time, to enliven.
5. Etymology: from Middle French (1400-1600) amuser, "divert, cause to muse;" from à, "at, to" + muser, "ponder, stare fixedly".
The current meaning "divert, entertain" did not emerge into usage until the 17th century, and the most common application of the verb in the 17th and 18th centuries was to "deceive, cheat". Such meanings seem to have developed from an earlier "bewilder, puzzle", and pointed back to an original sense of "make someone stare open-mouthed". This is thought to link with the probable source of muser, namely muse, an "animal's mouth", from medieval Latin musum from which the English word muzzle came.
Everyone should keep in mind that there is no connection with this muse and the mythological muse from which music and museum are derived.
The sense of "divert from serious business, tickle the fancy of" is recorded from 1631, but through the 18th century, the primary meaning was "deceive, cheat" by first occupying the attention of a person, or people.
—Based on information from John Ayoto and Webster's Word Histories
amusement (s), amusements (pl) (noun forms)
1. The pleasurable occupation of one's attention, or diversion of the mind (from serious duties, etc.).
2. Passing from an idle time-wasting diversion, or entertainment.
3. Recreation, relaxation, the pleasurable action upon the mind of anything light and cheerful.
4. Pleasant excitement of the risible faculty by anything droll or grotesque, tickling of the fancy.
5. Anything which lightly and pleasantly diverts the attention, or beguiles the time; a pastime, a play, a game, or a form of recreation.
amuser (s), amusers (pl) (noun forms)
1. Someone who provides diversion; a diverter, an entertainer.
2. In the past, someone who put people in a muse; that which arrests or distracts attention; especially, with trifling or insignificant things.
3. Someone who trifles with people's attention or expectations; a trifler, deceiver, a cheat.
amusive (adjective)
1. Affording pleasing entertainment.
2. Engaging the attention, interesting.
3. Tickling the fancy or exciting laughter.
bemuse, bemuses, bemused, bemusing (verb forms)
1. To make utterly confused or muddled, as with intoxicating liquor.
2. To cause to be emotionally confused or to put into a stupid stare, to stupefy: "Since she usually appeared to have an opinion about everything, her silence on this particular subject bemused him."
3. To cause someone to be preoccupied or lost in thought: "The news about his ex-wife getting married again bemused him."
"Since he thought of himself to be an ordinary student, he was bemused by all of the attention that he was getting from the class."
bemusedly (adverb)
In a bemused or bewildered manner or condition.
bemusement (s), bemusements (pl) (noun forms)
In a bemused condition or confusion resulting from failure to understand: "She smiled with bemusement when he made the remark about her dress."
muse (s), muses (pl) (noun forms)
1. Someone who causes another person to have ideas about creating a work of art; or who inspires an artist, writer, etc.: "The writer lost his muse when his wife left him."
2. Someone or something that provides the enthusiasm and determination for an artist, poet, musician, etc. to create something artistic: "When an artist pleonastically asked her husband if she should paint a still life or a portrait, or both of them on the same canvas; his response was, 'Are you trying to amuse your muse with redundancy?' "
—Inspired by the "Garfield" cartoon strip by Jim Davis; May 3, 2011;
as seen in The Global Edition of the New York Times, page 15.
muse, mused, muses, musing (verb forms)
1. To be absorbed in one's thoughts; to engage in meditation: "She was musing about what might have been if she had finished her education."
2. To consider or to say thoughtfully: "She mused that it might take longer to drive than to walk."
3. To think about something in a deep and serious, or dreamy, and abstracted way: "He mused about the possibility of changing jobs."
4. To say something in a thoughtful or a questioning way: "I think we could sell our house, she mused; but then where would we move to?"
5. To gaze at someone or something thoughtfully or abstractedly: "She was musing what her new-born son would grow up to be."
6. Etymology: from Old French muser, "to meditate", and perhaps literally "to go around with one's nose in the air", from muse, "muzzle, snout", from medieval Latin musum source of the English word muzzle.
Muse comes with the meanings of "ponder, meditate," and implies focused attention, but it suggests a less intellectual purpose.
It often implies absorption and a languid turning over of a topic as if in a dream or in some kind of remembrance.
museful (adjective; musefully (adverb)
1. Deeply thoughtful; pensive.
2. Meditative; thoughtfully silent.
muzzle, muzzler (noun);
1. The projecting part of an animal's face, made up of its nose and jaws.
2. A device that is strapped over the nose and jaws of an animal to prevent it from opening its mouth, e.g. to bite, bark, or eat.
3. The front open end of the barrel of a firearm.
4. Something that is meant to prevent free expression; such as, to muzzle the press when reporting on a military operation.
5. Transitive verb forms: (past and past participle muzzled, present participle muzzling, 3rd person present singular muzzles):
6. To put a muzzle over the nose and jaws of an animal.
7. To prevent a person or group from publicly expressing their views or opinions.
8. To roll up and secure a sail.
9. Etymology: from Middle English mosel, from Old French musel, from Medieval Latin musellum, diminutive of musum, "muzzle, snout".
muzzle, muzzles, muzzled, muzzling (verb forms)
1. Something that is meant to prevent free expression; such as, to muzzle the press when reporting on a military operation.
2. Placing a muzzle over the nose and jaws of an animal; such as, a dog to keep it from biting someone: "Our dog has a tendency to bite strangers who walk near him, so he needs to be muzzled; in fact, we muzzle him whenever we take him out for a walk."
3. To prevent a person or group from publicly expressing their views or opinions: "The company tried to muzzle its employees by forbidding them to speak to the press about the accident."
4. To roll up and to secure a sail on a boat.
overmuse, overmuses, overmused, overmusing (verb forms) overmused, overmusing (verb forms)
1. To overcome with bewilderment: "The tornado was so severe and shocking, that many people were simply overmused."
2. To muse too much; to become weary or to bewilder oneself by excessive meditation: "Sometimes she overmuses herself and doesn't know what is going on."
unamused (adjective)
Not amused; not considered entertaining nor amusing: "No matter how much he tried to entertain her with jokes, she was still unamused and upset about her son going into the military."
20
exhilarating adj.excitement, happiness, sprightliness
20
cheery adj.energy, liveliness, excitement
20
heartsome adj.energy, liveliness, excitement
19
intriguing adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
challenging adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
entertaining adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
exciting adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
interesting adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
newsworthy adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
noteworthy adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
outstanding adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
powerful adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
promising adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
sapid adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
striking adj.interest, admiration, attribute
17
thrilling adj.interest, admiration, attribute
16
full of beans exp. & phr.energy, liveliness, positiveness
16
full of life exp. & phr.energy, liveliness, positiveness
16
full of vigor exp. & phr.energy, liveliness, positiveness
15
morale-boosting adj.excitement, energy, liveliness
Definition of authentic
1
a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact paints an authentic picture of our societyb : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features an authentic reproduction of a colonial farmhousec : made or done the same way as an original authentic Mexican fare
2
: not false or imitation : real, actual an authentic cockney accent
3
: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character is sincere and authentic with no pretensions
4
a of a church mode : ranging upward from the keynote — compare plagal 1b of a cadence : progressing from the dominant chord to the tonic — compare plagal 2
5
obsolete : authoritative
authenticallyplay \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb
authenticityplay \ˌȯ-ˌthen-ˈti-sə-tē, -thən-\ noun
See authentic defined for English-language learners
See authentic defined for kids
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Examples of authentic in a Sentence
In 1879 expert opinion was unanimous in rejecting Sautuola's timid suggestion that the ceiling paintings in his family's cave were made by the same prehistoric hunters whose stone and bone artifacts he had been collecting from the cave floor. He was accused of forgery and not until 1902, when discovery of similar paintings in several French caves supported Sautuola's claim, did experts agree that they were authentic relics of Paleolithic times. —William H. McNeill, New York Review, 19 Oct. 2006
“If I did authentic Japanese food here, no one would understand,” says Masaharu Morimoto, whose idiosyncratic creations dazzle as many as 300 diners a night at his eponymous Philadelphia restaurant. “Anything I do here is going to be an Americanization of Japanese cuisine.” The ponytailed Morimoto of Iron Chef fame has been expanding the boundaries of Japanese cuisine his entire career, starting at his own sushi bar in Hiroshima, Japan … —Harvey Steiman, Wine Spectator, 31 Mar. 2005
But before we could leave, the old guy had to have his pint with the regulars at the Regulator. Part of his routine. All the staff were from Ireland (the real Ireland), and all the walls were paneled with authentic oak. —Michael Kandel, Fantasy & Science Fiction, October/November 2004
According to Lia, the document seems authentic, though she emphasizes that it contains no specific attack orders … —Aparisim Ghosh, Time, 22 Mar. 2004
We saw authentic examples of ancient Roman sculpture.
Experts have confirmed that the signature on the letter is authentic.
The witness provided an authentic record of what actually took place.
She prepared a very authentic Mexican meal.
The building is an authentic reproduction of a colonial farmhouse.
Recent Examples of authentic from the Web
With Western American art long dismissed as unworthy of the fine art world, few collectors would have even cared 25 years ago if an early 20th century oil painting of cowboys or Indians on the frontier was authentic or not.
—
scott sonner, The Seattle Times, "Gallery owner alleges major US Western art sale defamed him", 3 June 2017
Malashock’s choreography struck the evening’s most authentic note in its sensitive response to this haunting music.
—
marcus overton, sandiegouniontribune.com, "Art of Élan, Malashock Dance, New York composers create triangular collaboration in 'Minor Fall/Major Lift'", 2 June 2017
But at the end of the day, the key is just to be myself, to be true and authentic.
—
david martindale, star-telegram, "Persistence pays off for Dallas chef in a big way with appearance on ‘Food Network Star’", 1 June 2017
These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'authentic'. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback.
Origin and Etymology of authentic
Middle English autentik, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin authenticus, from Greek authentikos, from authentēs perpetrator, master, from aut- + -hentēs (akin to Greek anyein to accomplish, Sanskrit sanoti he gains)
First Known Use: 14th century
authentic Synonyms
Synonyms
bona fide, certifiable, certified, dinkum [Australian & New Zealand], echt, genuine, honest, pukka (also pucka), real, right, sure-enough, true, for real
Antonyms
bogus, counterfeit, fake, false, mock, phony (also phoney), pseudo, sham, spurious, suppositious, supposititious, unauthentic, unreal
Related Words
actual, historical, original; lawful, legal, legitimate; identifiable, recognizable, verifiable; proven, substantiated, validated, verified; incontestable, incontrovertible, indisputable, indubitable, irrefutable, undeniable, undoubted, unmistakable, unquestionable; veritable, very; accurate, correct, proper; pure, unadulterated, unalloyed
Near Antonyms
artificial, factitious, imitation, man-made, simulated, synthetic, unnatural; concocted, fabricated, manufactured; deceptive, delusive, delusory, misleading
Synonym Discussion of authentic
authentic, genuine, bona fide mean being actually and exactly what is claimed. authentic implies being fully trustworthy as according with fact 〈an authentic account of the perilous journey〉; it can also stress painstaking or faithful imitation of an original. 〈an authentic reproduction〉 〈authentic Vietnamese cuisine〉 genuine implies actual character not counterfeited, imitated, or adulterated 〈genuine piety〉 〈genuine maple syrup〉; it also connotes definite origin from a source. 〈a genuine Mark Twain autograph〉 bona fide implies good faith and sincerity of intention. 〈a bona fide offer for the stock〉
AUTHENTIC Defined for English Language Learners
authentic play
adjective
Definition of authentic for English Language Learners
: real or genuine : not copied or false
: true and accurate
: made to be or look just like an original
Very good advice Jenna! With
Submitted by Feathers on
Very good advice Jenna! With having a narcissistic mother, sister, and father I totally agree with this book about charm. That's 1 of their many ways to hook an unsuspecting victim.
For me it's a matter of acceptance vs reacting.....
Submitted by c ur self on
You can usually tell when a mind is disturbed....Just by the way, and things, it will attempt to communicate....I want!...I need!....I will never own!.....These three things are sure to manifest in victim minds....It may play out as charm in many... But, the flip side to that charm, if it's just a learned manipulation attempt, is usually anger, pouting, and abandonment. If the charm (manipulation) doesn't work to get what they want or feel they need from others...(usually a feeling of control and/or affirmation) Some things they seek, can be good things, that we may all feel we need or desire...Love, Acceptance etc...But, because of their distorted mind, they don't know how to engage others honestly and openly....It's the inability to be humbled and Vulnerable....
This again can be the product of things like an abusive environment, shame driven for some....
And like you warn here in your post Jenna...We must recognize this, and not fall victim to the disguises of manipulation....One thing that happens in marriage's that keeps this going on and on seemingly unending....Is the role playing...One spouse's reactions to the others actions...There was a lady poster on here just a week or two ago, who seemed to have i together in this sense...Her mindset was to SEE, and not take part in things that she viewed as unwise or unacceptable to her.....I wish I had had such a strong moral compass in the beginning, but, I was weak and easily deceived, due to my own blindness, desires and insecurities, so I fail right into the act, react trap....This is exactly why I went to the counselor for 4 months recently...To bounce off of her, what I was doing to restore my own life ... And the ways I was standing up to manipulation attempts...I wanted her to help me to be able to say NO....Without feeling like I was not being loving....Learning to SEE, without reacting....
C