Submitted by sarge99 on 08/20/2023.
Hello all,
Thank you for reading my post...
My girlfriend and I , no kids, and in our 40s and early 50s, were getting to close to engagement. Families like each other and supporting the marriage. Out of nowhere I (don't have adhd) got dumped by my gf. Her rationale was that starting a new job after not working for 9 months, was too much to handle with a relationship and that her inability to communicate effectively (forgetfulness, inability to follow up, etc) was also upsetting me - which she didn't like but of course couldn't or wouldn't change the behavior.
we have been broken up for a week, no contact. Any thoughts on the situation or what I should do.
thanks,
Sarge
You have dodged an avalanche of grief
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Don't try to 'patch' anything. Express sorrow that 'this happened' and move on. You are blessed.
Thanks for responding. I'm
Submitted by sarge99 on
Thanks for responding. I'm definitely not reaching out to her and leaning towards the belief that I dodged a bullet, but I was curious if you could elaborate on why you believe I should run away fast? I am new to the world of ADHD .
'Out of nowhere' would become the story of your marriage
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
The behavior you describe as 'Out of nowhere' is ingrained. You would have encountered it again and again during your marriage to the extent that you would never know if an issue as been settled. Consistency and logic do not apply to mental illness. And the chaos always goes against your interests. You would have sat around forevermore wondering WTF about your relationship.
unaddressed ADHD......the mother of chaos
Submitted by Zapp10 on
The problem of untreated ADHD is huge. Communication is wtf chaos. BUT underlying it are qualities and personalities that are as worthy as those of any human being. I am married 50 years this past July. I now live separately(10 years now) because I realized he did not know who I was anymore outside of him.And God knows I had long let go of me(tho I didn't see it). His ADHD was discovered late and his pride refused to acknowledge it. Therefore I chose to leave to get some distance and clarity. BEST decision I ever made. For the most part my husband is a friendly, easy going, likeable person. He does not yell, he is not physically abusive but daily life?........OMG! EVERYTHING is chaos! There isn't alot of room for how anyone wishes to live....outside of his. It took me too long to see( like I didn't have issues myself?). I just want to emphasize that there is a huge difference in addressed and unaddressed ADHD. Since my spouse seemed to think I was the only one causing "problems" I told him OK I can fix that.....and I left. MUCH to his surprise. I look at it like I retired from the marriage relationship.....not from loving someone who chose not to reciprocate. By the way, I am 68 years old........