Pre-reading
Optimizing ADHD Treatment E-book
Articles of interest
Welcome video
Session 1 – OPTIMIZING ADHD TREATMENT
- Differences between you
- Understanding your partner’s experience in the relationship
- Treatment effect size
- Optimizing treatment and common questions
Bonus video: More on Medications
Treatment worksheet / isolating target symptoms
Article on medications
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 2 – TWO IMPORTANT PATTERNS, PLUS ANGER START
- Pattern 1 – Misinterpretation of ADHD symptoms
- Pattern 2 – Symptom/response/response
- Unproductive responses to each other vs. finding productive responses
- Introduction to the idea of the ‘Intentional Relationship’
- Anger's inevitability, and 5 steps to taking control of anger (review steps 1-3 in this session)
- Denial in both partners – what it looks like, and why it's destructive
Anger worksheet – to get you starting a conversation about anger, and evaluating the impact of your own anger
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Submit questions for written Q&A
Session 3 – ANGER, PARENT/CHILD PATTERN, MOVING TO RECOVERY
- Steps 4&5 in controlling anger
- How to use SMART measurement
- Things to watch out for in angry communication
- How to hear your partner’s reasons for anger more accurately
- Role of grief in overcoming anger
- Parent/child dynamics – why you experience it, why you need to get out of it, how to transition away from it
Catch up on past worksheets
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 4 - STRONG EMOTIONS IN ADHD-IMPACTED RELATIONSHIPS
- The biology of emotional volatility in ADHD
- Examples
- Methods of addressing strong emotions that research suggests work
- The underpinnings of strong emotions in non-ADHD partners
- Examples
- Addressing emotions in non-ADHD partners
- Does your partner have an obligation to help you address your emotional issues?
Session 5 – COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES THAT WORK
- The three stages of healing
- Boundaries - what they are, and are not
- Learning conversations
- Verbal cues
- Learning how to fight / “good fights”
- Moving from negative/negative fights to positive/positive through “neutral”
- Repair techniques
- Apologies
- Validation vs. invalidation
Validation tracking worksheet to understand your own validation patterns
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 6 – DIAGNOSING FIGHTS, AND CHORE WARS, SO YOU CAN CHANGE DIRECTION
- How to ‘diagnose’ the type of fights you are having and determine appropriate approaches to changing direction
- Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- Resolvable issues vs. unresolvable issues and what to do with each
- Chore wars – what they are, and how to improve in this area
- Identifying maternal/paternal gatekeeping
- How do 'letting go' and 'giving up' relate to each other?
Chore score worksheet to help assess options for diminishing chore wars
Optional chapter 5 in Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (chore wars)
BONUS SESSION - GETTING BETTER ORGANIZED WITH ADHD
- The emotional issues with organizing
- Overarching strategies that work with the way the ADHD brain functions
- Ideas that work
Session 7 – DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BEHAVIORS IN BOTH PARTNERS, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM
- Lying - what's going on?
- Financial lying
- Job loss and work issues
- ‘Better than you’
- Pornography
- Affairs
Article on lying
Learning conversation about a difficult to understand behavior
Submit questions for written Q&A
Session 8 – REBUILDING TRUST AND FINDING JOY IN YOUR ADHD-IMPACTED RELATIONSHIP
- Understanding 'ghosts'
- Appreciating ADHD, mirror traits
- Rebuilding trust
- The science of finding joy together
- ‘Attending’
Brainstorming session for how to increase joy in your relationship
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 9 – INTIMACY, BOUNDARIES, AND FALLING BACK IN LOVE
- The importance of conflict intimacy
- Why your sex life isn't what you would wish
- Building intimacy outside the bedroom
- Sex and desire in brief
- How boundaries strengthen your relationship and connection; how to create better boundaries
Set one goal for change, and create plan
Date for telling partner what you love about him/her