ADHD Effect In-Depth Detailed Curriculum

Pre-reading

Optimizing ADHD Treatment E-book

Session 1 – OPTIMIZING ADHD TREATMENT

  • Differences between you
  • Understanding your partner’s experience in the relationship
  • Treatment effect size
  • Optimizing treatment and common questions

Treatment worksheet / isolating target symptoms
Article on medications

ADHD Effect on Marriage reading

Session 2 – TWO IMPORTANT PATTERNS, PLUS ANGER START

  • Pattern 1 – Misinterpretation of ADHD symptoms
  • Pattern 2 – Symptom/response/response
  • Unproductive responses to each other vs. finding productive responses
  • Introduction to the idea of the ‘Intentional Relationship’
  • Anger's inevitability, and 5 steps to taking control of anger (review steps 1-3 in this session)
  • Denial in both partners – what it looks like, and why it's destructive

Anger worksheet – to get you starting a conversation about anger, and evaluating the impact of your own anger
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Submit questions for written Q&A

Session 3 – ANGER, PARENT/CHILD PATTERN, MOVING TO RECOVERY

  • Steps 4&5 in controlling anger
  • How to use SMART measurement
  • Things to watch out for in angry communication
  • How to hear your partner’s reasons for anger more accurately
  • Role of grief in overcoming anger
  • Parent/child dynamics – why you experience it, why you need to get out of it, how to transition away from it

Catch up on past worksheets
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading

Session 4 – COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES THAT WORK

  • The three stages of healing
  • Boundaries - what they are, and are not
  • Learning conversations
  • Verbal cues
  • Learning how to fight / “good fights”
  • Moving from negative/negative fights to positive/positive through “neutral”
  • Repair techniques
  • Apologies
  • Validation vs. invalidation

Validation tracking worksheet to understand your own validation patterns
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading

Session 5 – DIAGNOSING FIGHTS, AND CHORE WARS, SO YOU CAN CHANGE DIRECTION

  • How to ‘diagnose’ the type of fights you are having and determine appropriate approaches to changing direction
  • Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
  • Resolvable issues vs. unresolvable issues and what to do with each
  • Chore wars – what they are, and how to improve in this area
  • Identifying maternal/paternal gatekeeping
  • How do 'letting go' and 'giving up' relate to each other?

Chore score worksheet to help assess options for diminishing chore wars
Optional chapter 5 in Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (chore wars)
Submit questions for written Q&A

Session 6 – DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BEHAVIORS IN BOTH PARTNERS, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM

  • Lying - what's going on?
  • Financial lying and avoidance
  • Fear of initiation, verbally and physically
  • Nagging
  • ‘Better than you’
  • Pornography
  • Affairs

Psychology Today reading
Learning conversation about a difficult to understand behavior

Session 7 – REBUILDING TRUST AND FINDING JOY IN YOUR ADHD-IMPACTED RELATIONSHIP

  • Understanding 'ghosts'
  • Appreciating ADHD, mirror traits
  • Rebuilding trust
  • The science of finding joy together
  • ‘Attending’

Brainstorming session for how to increase joy in your relationship
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Submit question for final written Q&A

Session 8 – SEX, INTIMACY AND FALLING BACK IN LOVE

  • Why your sex life isn't what you would wish
  • The elements of intimacy
  • Building intimacy outside the bedroom
  • Sex and desire - new ways to think about your own desire and reigniting it
  • Falling back 'in love' - case study and key ideas

Set one goal for change, and create plan
Date for telling partner what you love about him/her