Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD

Specifically about ADHD and adult relationships

Orlov, M. C. (2010). The ADHD effect on marriage: Understand and rebuild your relationship in six steps. Award-winning introduction to how ADHD impacts adult relationships.

Orlov, M.C., & Kohlenberger, N. (2014) The couple’s guide to thriving with ADHD. Helps ADHD-impacted couples understand the complexity of 21 common emotional hot spots in their relationship, and provides specific tactics for creating a healthier, calmer relationship.

Orlov, M.C. (2010 – present) The ADHD effect in-depth. Eight-week phone seminar for couples who want a substantial and helpful introduction to how ADHD impacts their specific relationship. Many couples do this seminar in addition to counseling or to get both partners invested in creating change before counseling begins.

Favorite resources for specific issues

Hallowell, E. & Ratey, J., (1994). Delivered from Distraction. Widely recognized as the classic in the field, it offers a comprehensive and entirely up-to-date guide to living a successful life with ADD.

Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself (2nd ed.). A fabulous resource for non-ADHD “parent” partners interested in getting out of parent/child dynamics.

Kohlberg, J., & Nadeau, K. (2002). ADD-friendly ways to organize your life. One of the best books available about organizing with ADHD.

Orlov, M. & Kohlenberger, N. (2014) Optimizing Treatment for Adult ADHD - Free download.

Lerner, H. (2005). The dance of anger: A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. Particularly useful for female, non-ADHD partners suffering from chronic anger, as a supplement to counseling or my couples’ seminar.

Tuckman, A. (2012). Understand your brain, get more done: The ADHD executive functions workbook. For ADHD partners who find putting things down on paper helps organize their thoughts, this workbook can be a very helpful tool.

Crenshaw, W. (2014). I always want to be where I'm not: Successful living with ADD and ADHD. This book is particularly good for adults with ADHD between the ages of 16 and 30. Organized around 13 principles to live by, it is engaging and easy to remember. (Example: Don’t choose the easiest path… Easy to do = hard life; hard to do = easy life.)

Tuckman, A. (2009). More attention, less deficit. Provides an excellent overview of ADHD plus has many useful ideas about how to live more easily with ADHD and control symptoms. Ignore the length and jump around to what you are most interested in.

Love, P. & Stosney, S (2008). How to improve your marriage without talking about it. While I firmly believe that in order to understand each other, a certain amount of talking must occur, but Love and Stosney’s approach offers a great deal to think about, particularly when you are in a non-ADHD woman / ADHD man relationship in which the man feels shame about his ADHD.

Online resources

There are a number of online resources that can provide you access to the experts on specific topics of interest to you. Make sure to assess the level of expertise, and be wary of websites promising you a “cure.” Good resources include:

• Ari Tuckman’s videos and blog. Expert advice at adultadhdbook.com

ADDClasses.com provides free expert information, plus an online library of expert talks for a fee

ADDitude Magazine

• Zone Labs offers an easy, at home blood test to check levels of Omega 3s in your system. Can be found at zonediagnostics.com.

There are numerous webinars about ADHD issues, including the ADHD Virtual Conference (given once a year) and the ADDA teleseminar series.