Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD

Specifically about ADHD and adult relationships

Orlov, M. C. (2010). The ADHD effect on marriage: Understand and rebuild your relationship in six steps. Award-winning introduction to how ADHD impacts adult relationships.

Orlov, M.C., & Kohlenberger, N. (2014) The couple’s guide to thriving with ADHD. Helps ADHD-impacted couples understand the complexity of 21 common emotional hot spots in their relationship, and provides specific tactics for creating a healthier, calmer relationship.

Orlov, M.C. (2010 – present) The ADHD effect in-depth. Eight-week Zoom seminar for couples who want a substantial and helpful introduction to how ADHD impacts their specific relationship. Many couples do this seminar in addition to counseling or to get both partners invested in creating change before counseling begins.

Favorite resources for specific issues

Hallowell, E. & Ratey, J., (2021).  ADHD 2.0.  The pre-eminent writers about adult ADHD provide an inspiring and informational update to what adult ADHD is all about.  They are particularly good at capturing the conundrums that have adult ADHD present.  A balanced and ADHD-friendly book (not a surprise, since they both have ADHD!)

Hallowell, E. & Ratey, J., (1994). Delivered from Distraction. Widely recognized as the classic in the field, and revised fairly recently.

Rosier, T., (2021).  Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for navigating your emotions and life with ADHD.  This book does a great job of covering how to manage the energy and motivation issues of ADHD, extra big emotions, and how the ADHD brain functions in a lively, compassionate, and interesting way.

Zylowska, L (2012).  The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD.  This is an ADHD-focused resource for learning about mindfulness when you have ADHD, and practicing it.  Comes with guided exercises CD.

Cole, T (2021).  Boundary Boss:  The essential guide to talk true, be seen, and (finally) live free.  This is a great book that will help you understand and locate your own boundaries that I recommend regularly.  Particularly useful for addressing parent/child dynamics.

Kohlberg, J., & Nadeau, K. (2002). ADD-friendly ways to organize your life. One of the best books available about organizing with ADHD.

Taylor-Klaus, E. & Dempster, D. (2016).  Parenting ADHD Now!  By far the best book about parenting young kids who have ADHD.

Taylor-Klaus, E. (2020).  The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids.  A fabulous how to book for parenting complex kids of all ages.

Orlov, M. & Kohlenberger, N. (2020) Optimizing Treatment for Adult ADHD - Free download outlines a research-based approach to managing ADHD that isn't just about medications (see home page).

Lerner, H. (2005). The dance of anger: A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. Particularly useful for female, non-ADHD partners suffering from chronic anger, as a supplement to counseling or my couples’ seminar.

Crenshaw, W. & Daugherty, K. (2020)  ADD and Zombies: Fearless medication management for ADD and ADHD.  An informative and easy-to-understand tour through the complexities of medications to treat ADHD and co-existing conditions.  

Potter-Efron, R & P (2006).  Letting Go of Anger:  The eleven most common anger styles & what to do about them.  This is an easy to get through and very useful book about how you express anger.  Starts with a quiz to identify your style(s) then helps you understand why you might use those styles and how to improve how you express anger.

Nagoski, E (2015).  Come As You Are.  For women who 'just aren't feeling it anymore' and want to understand how to rekindle their desire for their partner.

Solden, S. (1995) Women with Attention Deficit Disorder This book, coupled with Nadeau and Quinn's Understanding Women with ADHD provide the best overviews of the special issues that women with ADHD face.

Tuckman, A. (2012). Understand your brain, get more done: The ADHD executive functions workbook. For ADHD partners who find putting things down on paper helps organize their thoughts, this workbook can be a very helpful tool.

Crenshaw, W. (2014). I always want to be where I'm not: Successful living with ADD and ADHD. This book is particularly good for adults with ADHD between the ages of 16 and 30. Organized around 13 principles to live by, it is engaging and easy to remember. (Example: Don’t choose the easiest path… Easy to do = hard life; hard to do = easy life.)

Tuckman, A. (2009). More attention, less deficit. Provides an excellent overview of ADHD plus has many useful ideas about how to live more easily with ADHD and control symptoms. Ignore the length and jump around to what you are most interested in.

Love, P. & Stosney, S (2008). How to improve your marriage without talking about it. While I firmly believe that in order to understand each other, a certain amount of talking must occur, Love and Stosney’s approach offers a great deal to think about, particularly when you are in a non-ADHD woman / ADHD man relationship in which the man feels shame about his ADHD.

Online resources

There are a number of online resources that can provide you access to the experts on specific topics of interest to you. Make sure to assess the level of expertise, and be wary of websites promising you a “cure.” Good resources include:

• Ari Tuckman’s videos and blog. Expert advice at provides free expert information, plus an online library of expert talks for a fee

ADDitude Magazine

• Zone Labs offers an easy, at home blood test to check levels of Omega 3s in your system. Can be found at

There are numerous webinars about ADHD issues, including the ADHD Virtual Conference (given once a year) and the ADDA teleseminar series.