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by: honestly -
And the idea of being supported in one’s mental health or anything else… the disappointment just crushes you still more.>>> on Forum topic - Supporting Each Other: Mental Health in Marriage
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by: c ur self -
I'm proud of you for reaching out...I can see his thinking in his reply...He feels hopeless to ever attain to a level of behavior (be the person) that would suit you...No matter his feelings toward you...It's a real hard place that ADD (any minds for that matter) minds can find themselves...They accept the difference's more readily than a non...Because they are usually the winner...Do less, play more, etc...And because they can be the target of our disdain (the child) when responsibilities are ignored...>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: honestly -
I know this - I’ve felt it in the past, how impossible things were, the massive weight of inertia. I could not face doing a thing. Even a trip to the cinema seemed too much. But in the past few days, capacity has opened up - I’m racing through the chores - mine and the few ones he did do and the ones he never did - but also I feel I can open out towards the world. Book a trip. Make plans. I feel lighter and capable and keen to do things. The weight of inertia has lifted.>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: hollow -
Thank you Honestly. That is a great idea! I actually have a dairy, but I've never thought of writing my distant future instead of my present. I'll definitely give it a try!>>> on Forum topic - I feel trapped in my marriage. I need help!
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by: hollow -
Thank you Gadi for your kind and warm words. These past couple of days, things have been better. The support I've felt here has given me the courage to speak up more about my needs and concerns. My husband has been truly making an effort to not upset me, or to be more thoughtful with his words. I suffer from anxiety too, so I know some things I overthink them too much as well; but my husband has been truly making an effort to not upset me, or to be more thoughtful with his words. So for now...>>> on Forum topic - I feel trapped in my marriage. I need help!
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by: J -
I wasn't imagining things when I said I seemed to make a connection during this conversation. Instead of complaining about me "touching" her too much, she appears to be welcoming it, as it's intention, to express my feelings for her, is being recieved as given. This has definitely changed things since then. Not being rejected, or feeling like an inconvenience or nuisance, has certainly made a difference. I'm not even feeling a strong need for her to reciprocate. She expresses affection...>>> on Forum topic - An Observation
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by: Swedish coast -
Separating oneself identity-wise sounds very healthy. I enjoy being alone now, choosing my guests and entertainment, journaling, finding time to read, reflect, paint, talk endlessly on the phone whenever I want. It feels like the enriched and varied company is shaping my new identity. Part of the problem of living rather isolated with severe ADD in your partner is the condition seems contagious. Not the functioning, but perception of what’s possible, enough, too much. I...>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you Sickandtired, that’s good advice.>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: Swedish coast -
He adds he’s terrified by the thought of reuniting with me since he thinks he’ll disappoint me entirely again. That is certainly a valid point. Reconciling will not be possible without a therapist who can prevent him from blowing up once I remind him of the hurtful things he’s done. If those things can’t be mentioned, that’s not true reconciliation but just placating of his ego, I won’t have that.>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: honestly -
I know what you mean about the shared stories and jokes. It’s the patina of time that builds up on any long relationship. It doesn’t indicate love - just time passing. I found myself thinking, of these things, Do i really think that? Is that mine? Do I believe that’s trune? I’ve started to scrape away those layers to find the woodgrain underneath.>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: sickandtired -
Just take it slow. Don’t overshare your recent divorce. Don’t project what you are looking for on to this new person. Let him know you have kids, but don’t introduce them until you know this person much better. You don’t want to jump outof the frying pan into the fire. But having said that, you feel scared because you are stepping out of your comfort zone into a role (a first date) that is very unfamiliar to you. Just relax and enjoy.>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: Swedish coast -
I so appreciate your reply. Am shaken today by how severely messed up I seem to be. Why is it that the unsafety of his ADD mind is also home? A million interactions of intimacy, family jokes, shared values, shared stories. I tell his anecdotes. I make his observations. The idea of partnering up with a new person seems so strange. And frightening too. Somebody on the forum advised me not to pursue love for some good stretches of time yet. And then this person shows up, and wants...>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: sickandtired -
You have your answer. I hope you can move on with no regrets. Please don’t let fantasies of what might have been ruin what lies in front of you. You promised yourself to move on if you knew you did everything you could. Please honor that promise you made to your future self. Start looking forward to the joy of a new relationship! Welcome to your new life!>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: Swedish coast -
The texting with him today has made me desperately sad. It also confirmed I’ve lived a confusing nightmare with him. Turns out he grieves me, has loved me, hasn’t been able to move on, thinks about me every day. But he sees no future for us together. However, he wants peace and to see me to work together for the children. He apparently has NO IDEA of how much he’s hurt me. I discover texting for a few hours with him makes me entirely disheveled and deeply upset. I can’t bear to see him...>>> on Forum topic - I asked him
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by: 1Melody1 -
Having taken more than a decade to make this same gut-wrenching decision myself to leave a 20-year marriage, I just want to say congratulations. I have found challenges on the other side, but in hindsight I also wish I'd just made the decision 10 years earlier - for everyone's sake. You are so strong for making this choice and you've raised such wonderful children who can look at the situation objectively and with love for you both. I've been a single mom for several years now and I keep getting...>>> on Forum topic - stark choice
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by: 1Melody1 -
Having taken more than a decade to make this same gut-wrenching decision myself to leave a 20-year marriage, I just want to say congratulations. I have found challenges on the other side, but in hindsight I also wish I'd just made the decision 10 years earlier - for everyone's sake. You are so strong for making this choice and you've raised such wonderful children who can look at the situation objectively and with love for you both. I've been a single mom for several years now and I keep getting...>>> on Forum topic - stark choice
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by: honestly -
Imagine yourself in 10 years time. Write an account of a day in that life. Do you want to be living like that then? It might help clarify things.>>> on Forum topic - I feel trapped in my marriage. I need help!
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by: honestly -
While the younger one is still at home, we’re birdnesting - taking turns in the family home. I’m lucky - I have friends and family that will put me up. He goes to a flat we own near where he works. So we are very lucky indeed in that respect. What triggered it was, I was intensely unhappy, but trying to make that unimportant compared with the kids’ happiness. Then I got some bad news and it tipped me over into suicial ideation. I was catatonic. And I realised I needed to function and live for...>>> on Forum topic - stark choice
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by: Off the roller ... -
Honestly thank you for sharing. If you don't mind sharing, can you tell me how you actually separated. As in did you just say enough and leave or what it something else? Did you kick him out or did he leave?? I think you're so brave and I believe that's its my life and I want to live it...but im so paralysed by the next big step or even just saying something without it coming out wrong (and by that I mean with a mean tone or condenseding - it's a protective mechanism for me) How did it...>>> on Forum topic - stark choice
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m happy that you feel your children understand. They know exactly what’s going on with us parents, I think. When there’s been immense strain and unhappiness, none of it will pass them by. Mine are trying to be loyal to us both, weighing every word about their father carefully, actually rarely mentioning him to me, despite the fact they live with him 50%. I think they try to protect me, knowing how upset he’s made me. You’re making giant steps toward freedom now. I’m glad to hear it!>>> on Forum topic - stark choice
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