One of the things that I have heard and seen time and time again from many people with ADHD is that there's no point in their trying to meet expectations, because they will always fail. My ADHD husband used to frequently tell me this. And I understand the feeling. I've been through that experience myself, even though I don't have ADHD. I have felt the despair and the sense of just being completely beaten down by what other people do with ease.
I recently finished reading a book by William Ury, "Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations". This is not a new book (originally published in 1991), but the subject matter is timeless, and is applicable in all aspects of life. Although my purpose when I purchased this book had nothing to do with ADHD, I was simultaneously amused and astonished at how much of the material that the author covers is exactly what I figured out in adressing issues with my ADHD spouse when we were having serious problems.
As I've mentioned in a number of my posts, my ADD spouse and I separated several years ago because I just couldn't take dealing with his ADD issues any more. Even though he had been on medication and in counseling for 10 years, there were still many problems, especially in the area of communication. As our marriage disintegrated, the communications got worse. So when we decided we wanted to try to salvage our marriage, my husband's counselor (who also knew me from some joint counseling sessions we had done) suggested that we should try a different approach to communication. Instead of d
At our house, the holiday season has always been a special time of problems as well as joys. The excitement of the holidays, the additional social interactions, the special demands of gift-giving and receiving, and the departure from routine all may be either especially stimulating or especially stressful -- to all of us, but especially to those in our family with ADD. We always want to have a happy, loving, yummy holiday time. Instead, we typically would either end up all yelling at each other, or in tears, by the time the holiday actually arrived.
As I've mentioned in many of my posts, I am by nature an impatient, angry person, not at all shy of conflict. I've always felt that there was so much that I needed and wanted to do with my life, and nowhere near enough time to do it. I like people and having a good time, but to enjoy myself and fulfill my life responsibilities, I needed everyday life to move right along. I had a fairly short fuse, and anybody who got in my way or made it more difficult made me mad.