So my father does not think I am mature enough because of my ADHD. He is a pilot, and I am home during the weekends from after-school Fridays to Tuesdays when he works. I can't drive or have a phone. He thinks I am not mature enough. I am 17 years old. I get to school on time and have never been late once in high school and never got detention either. I get straight b's as my grades, so they're not too bad. Yes, I am trying to improve my grades. He thinks because I am not emotionally mature. Yes, I have emotions, so does the rest of the world too. I am just more emotional than my father, so he thinks I am not emotionally mature. I am just a little bit emphatic towards people, but he is just cold to people. So how could I show my father I am mature so he lets me have a life? I want to get a job, but he says I am not ready for that. He is just scared I will make money and move out and live on my own. I just want to be my own person and not rely on him. I have a very independent personality, and he tries to keep my independence in every way he can. How can I get out of this situation because it feels like it's suffocating me mentally.
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adulting
hi
Catch 22
Having been in this situation myself doesn't necessarily give me any answers, only experience. If I ( probably older than your dad I'm guessing ) had to tell myself at your age, what would have been good information, that is, things I've learned to be true, I'd tell myself: Responsibility is not exactly the same thing as maturity. Especially emotional maturity which is one in the same as emotional intelligence from where I sit. Grades in school can show intelligence....but emotional intelligence is different....they really are two separate and very much different things even if they are related.
I'd say the same to you. Look at emotional intelligence, and you'll find your way out of your predicament.
responsibility is maturity
Thank you for the reply, but I don't really get how having this much responsibility isn't a sign of maturity. My life is actually pretty different for my age. My dad is a single parent and works a lot, so a big part of keeping the house running is on me. I’m up an hour early every morning to walk my three dogs and get them taken care of before I even head to the bus for school.
Once I'm home, my brother is usually heading out to work, so I’m back to it letting the dogs out to play while I sweep, then heading over to my grandmother’s for about 30 minutes to help her with whatever she needs. Between walking the dogs again, feeding them, and making my own dinner after homework, I’m busy until the end of the day.Honestly, it gets pretty lonely. Since I don’t have a phone or a computer, I can’t talk to my friends, and I really miss them. Being alone a lot and handling all these family responsibilities is hard, but I do it because I love my dogs and my family.
You have responsibilities....
....from the sound of it, by circumstance based on what you're saying. I understand that. I was also very responsible in terms of duties that were given me...keeping grades, and doing as I was told. That didn't make me emotionally mature however....I was actually behind my age up to a point. Dr Russel Barkey has some sobering info on ADHD that's not exactly complimentary. Regardless of whether I like what he's said, I cannot deny it wasn't true because at least for a time, I was always a little behind my peers in some ways, bit ahead in others like being responsible in the duties given me. It didn't make me more mature, it only showed I took responsibility when asked. Two separate things... between taking responsible and being given duties to perform as a measure of responsibility.
J
Yes it hard being behind my peers too.But I don't do that my father does.If he supports me in growing into adult hood I would not be behind my peers.I just wish he let me try then say no your too adhd for it.he use my adhd as a exuse.For example he said I was too adhd to wear shorts in summer well I was in 7th grade.It gets around 80 to 90 degrees where I live.He also said I am to ADHD to wear tinted chapstick. l what's wrong with shorts nothing and also nothing wrong with tinted chapstick. so I just wish he support me.Also stop making excuse for him being scared of me growing into a young lady and adult.