I have read several threads and commented on a few. I have bought all the books, and have read them all. Hubby has read some but doesn't see himself in any of the examples. He has been diagnosed with ADHD (not hyper though) and took the meds for three days. He said they were too much and didn't go back to the doctor. Side effects of racing heart. So that was almost a year ago.
General Background: Married almost ten years, we have 9 year old twin girls, one whom has been diagnosed with ADHD and is currently taking Straterra. We have dealt with a gambling addiction, the result of which was our home and both cars taken by the bank and filing for bankruptcy. Intense counseling and he hasn't gambled in over five years as far as I know. Up until about 5 years ago, he had gotten fired from every job he ever had all for the same reason- failure to be on time. He has kept a job this time, during the counseling sessions we came to an agreement that if he loses this job for any reason that I will file for divorce-no questions asked.
He goes from one thing to the next-right now he is on video games for hours. His days off are mainly spend with more than 12-20 hour stretches in front of the video game. Other things are impulsive collecting-he has five motorcycles but doesn't ride. Never has.
I have went from one extreme to the other- doing everything myself and making no demands on him to having chore assignments and nagging because his never get done. I have cried, begged, pleaded, ignored the issues, tried the carrot versus the stick, you name it, I have tried it with no success. The only thing that semi-worked was lots of sex which made him want to do something for me but nothing ever was finished and I ended up feeling worse than ever.
He isn't mean, no crazy emotional outbursts but he is very passive aggressive. Everything is my fault (he didn't do the chores because I was nagging him, he didn't pay the water bill because I forgot to put it on the counter, etc) and he takes no ownership of his behavior. If he admits any fault at all, he blames it on his ADD issue.
One of our twins was taken off the cheerleading team because he was late to pick her up three times in a row. Spots on the cheer team are highly coveted. Same twin is being threatened to be removed from Chorus for the same reason, so I have signed her up for childcare afterschool on chorus practice days so he won't have to go get her. The thing that bothers me the most this is that its hurting our kids, and second is that he sees nothing wrong with being a few (more like 30) minutes late. He truly doesn't get it- hence being fired from several jobs because of that same issue. I will add that his mom is the exact same way-time means nothing.
I have been in counseling for a year and recently quit going because I wasn't feeling like I was getting anywhere except poorer. The reason I was going was to decide to stay or go. I switch back and forth on that. I just don't think I can do this anymore.
Right now, where we are is with a whole lot of half finished projects, nothing ever finished, cabinet doors standing open, late for everything, laundry on the floor or mildewing in the machine because he forgot he put it in there, and on and on.
My kids come straight to me for everything, they already say things like "daddy said he would do xyz but I know he won't", etc. He gets angry at them if they interrupt his gaming or tv watching. Doesn't get physical with them but says hateful things to them about being babies, stuff that hurts their feelings and makes them not ask him again- which to me is his passive aggressive response -screwing up so bad that no one asks again. It just keeps snowballing. He says he will go back to the DR but he hasn't. Last time he said he would was about a month ago. I don't even mention it, haven't in months. He mentioned it because we got such glowing reports from our daughters teacher about the improvements in her since she has started meds.
I am feeling overwhelmed, sad and resentful.