I am a 39 yr old married man that was diagnosed with ADD 8 years ago.  It was my, then girlfriend, now wife that suggested I get tested.  I will forever be thankful for that because it has helped me stabilize my life quite a bit.

The reason for my post is that my situation seems to be unique from most of what I have read.  I am the attention paying affectionate one in the relationship and she is the distant unaffectionate, non-validating, partner.  I am made to feel like a bother for wanting things that seem to be pretty normal to me.  i.e. some attention, some validation, etc.

Part of me thinks that I am just used to attracting people that cannot love me because I  think that is what I deserve.  Like most ADDers, I have low self esteem.  Sometimes I am so thankful that I have her.  She is very stable, which helps with instability career-wise.  I am currently laid off, but have been otherwise steadily employed.  But most times, I am just sad.  I love her so much, but sometimes I cannot overlook the seemingly obvious.  She just doesn't love me that much and I feel dead inside emotionally.  I am maybe more of a convenience to her.  She says she loves me, but I cannot see how someone that shows no affection, (not sex, affection) can say they love someone.  As long as it works for her, then she's fine, but any extra effort from her then she isn't really interested.

Sorry, I got off on a bit of a rant, I forgot my original point.  I guess this is the right place for that to happen.  Oh yes, I wanted to write in to let people know that while I have ADD, I don't really identify with the common marriage situation of being the distant husband.  I also, apparently wanted to vent.  Thanks for listening, sadly this is what it has come to, venting to anonymous strangers because my wife just doesn't give a sh*t and doesn't want to hear it.  What a sobering realization.