I'm a 32yo stay at home mom. Both me and my husband have ADHD, although I don't have the hyperactivity aspect. He was diagnosed in early childhood. I just got my diagnosis a couple months ago. We have a young son. He was up front about the ADHD when we were dating, but I knew very little about it and had no idea how much it affected almost every aspect of someone's life. I've learned a lot about ADHD since then, and that's helped me from becoming angry with him all the time, and we are working on our issues. But I'm so angry and frustrated with my husband regarding work.
He's always had major issues getting along with coworkers. He's a diesel mechanic, so he usually works in a garage with several other people. According to him, everyone he works with (including bosses) at any job he's ever had are complete idiots. He obsesses over the work other people do and criticizes it constantly. He's unable to ignore or separate himself emotionally from other peoples frustrations or bad moods. He has frequent blowups at work. Employers tolerate this because he is very knowledgeable and a hard worker. But every day after work (or at work, calling me on the phone) he goes on a cussing tirade about his numerous frustrations with his coworkers and bosses. I've tried so many times to tell him to only worry about himself doing a good job, that he doesn't have to be superman or absorb everyone else's emotions, but nothing's changed. He rarely stays at any job more than a year. Things are great at first, he gushes about how much he likes the place and how he wants to stay there, and I start to think, maybe things will be different this time! Then the honeymoon period wears off and he's miserable every day, and takes it out on me. He talks constantly about quitting and complains nonstop.
We're not in a financial position for him to start his own business, and if I returned to work, daycare costs would basically wipe out most of what I would make. I feel stuck and helpless.
I was very independent before we met and supported myself. I understand the frustrations of dealing with people at work and having ADHD. After we had our son, a series of unfortunate circumstances prevented me from returning to work. Then we chose to make the arrangement permanent (well till our son starts school anyway). I was afraid of relying on my husband as our sole income, but decided to trust him. I feel like this was a big mistake now. After going over a year without health insurance, we FINALLY just got benefits, but now he wants to quit this job too. I want to scream. I want to feel stable, especially now that we have a family. I've told him this. None of it makes a difference. I feel like he will never be happy and I'll never feel secure again. I don't feel like I have unreasonable expectations here.
Has anyone else gone through this? Found any ways to cope that worked for them? I'm at a total loss. Please share. Thank you for listening.