1. If I need some "man job" done, I lay all the equipment out and take my time to get to the job (an hour or even a day sometimes). If he hasn't already asked if he can do it, I wait until he is around and then begin the job. He CANNOT let me do a job without either telling me how or saying, "Shall I do that?" If he begins to tell me how to do the job, I say, "Would you like to do it so it is done right?"
2. Tonight I found a new one: I was fuming mad when for the 10000th time he came home 2 hours late from work with no phone call. I used to think it was a series of women that made him late so often without a phone call before I learned about ADHD. Tonight I was so mad, I met him outside and asked why he couldn't call (for the 10000th time) he said he didn't know and shrugged his detestable impish shrug (As if I would think that was cute in this situation?????). He had started a piece of work he said and then just shrugged as though that was all he had to do to make me angry and shut up. He works as fast as a snail. I KNEW he wouldn't feel bad that he did it or that I was sad or mad. BUT I said I was upset and I didn't feel like making a meal for someone who couldn't call when he comes home late. So, which restaurant was he going to take us out to eat at? It will get pretty expensive for him to keep coming home late. And he will not in the future get a home cooked meal waiting for him to warm up. Was I really so clueless all those years to do that? Yes. I didn't know better. He may learn not to be late without calling because it will be HIS POCKETBOOK that will feel the pain rather than ME.
I would not have chosen to do these calculating things but I refuse to do everything and resent being taken advantage of. If he cared more and cooperated more, I would be the wife I had always been in the past. Supportive and working together - that is what I would have preferred. But I don't get to have that. I must resort on these "schemes". I suggest you do too.