Husband is in denial of his ADHD symptoms despite the fact that we have a son with it and did therapeutic foster care for multiple kids with it. He just refuses to equate any of his problems with keeping a job to ADHD. Over 25 years he's had 28 jobs, the longest lasted 4 years. Every time he gets fired he claims he has no idea why or makes excuses for why he couldn't possibly have performed any better. Usually he claims they never trained him properly or the equipment was faulty or the conditions weren't "ideal" (too hot, too cold, no breaks, no instructions, etc)
Needless to say I'm exhausted with lack of finances on top of his denials of responsibility. I don't know what to do anymore. We're both in our 50's now and I just don't have the energy anymore to keep up with everything for all of us. How do we find him a job he can keep? Where do we go for help? What options are available?
Hi Squashee
Submitted by triedandtrue on
Repeating a suggestion I posted earlier:
Have you looked into getting your husband on Disability? Social Security Disability is more and more often granted to older people of working age - in their 50s or early 60s.
A history of failure to get hired and failure to stay employed can be grounds for acceptance onto the disability rolls. Any medical problems -mental or physical - are also taken into account in Disability applications, too. ADHD may not be considered a disability in all states yet, but depression often is. Does he have a current prescription for anti-depressants (they're also usually prescribed for anxiety, which is more often co-morbid with ADHD than is depression)?
Medical evidence like a prescription for depression could help quite a bit with a Disability claim. Bad back or other chronic health problems? Anything like that. The doctor's evaluation is key in the Disability applications.
Of course, you'd have to do all the work of research, gathering your husband's history, filling out the application, etc. But you're used to that and this time it might actually lead to a reduction in your chore burden.
First, you fill out his application and mail it. Then after being rejected (which usually happens on the first try), a lawyer can handle the appeal. You might even call the lawyer BEFORE you fill out your husband's initial application. That way, your Disability claim and the appeal filed by lawyer will be in alignment. The entire process can take a year or more.
A disability lawyer charges about $5,000 in many states for a successful Social Security application. The $5,000 can be taken out of the disability income, so you would pay nothing up front.
You need the lawyer's input because of questions like these about 1) work history, and 2) health history:
Can ADHD safely be a factor in your husband's petition for Disability? Is it a help or a hindrance? For example, if your husband has been diagnosed and has been prescribed medication yet fails to take it or participate in recommended therapy, would the Disability claims authorities rule that he is ineligible for benefits? Is your husband protected from this sort of ruling because ADHD is a disability under federal law? Or is protection limited, because some state and local jurisdictions officially or unofficially do not recognize ADHD as a disability in terms of their own programs? How would a lawyer preempt this kind of resistance to ADHD as grounds for Disability? That is, how would a lawyer present the reality of your husband's history? If your husband has not been officially diagnosed, is that a positive or negative thing legally?
If you ever decide to divorce him, the presence of Disability benefits could reduce the amount of spousal support you might have to pay, depending on the state you live in. Given his job history, you might well be stuck with paying him support.
If hubby had disability benefits, he would be eligible for other support. Low-cost housing, food stamps, counseling, etc. The amount of savings a person has should not affect his chances of getting Disability. A lawyer could help with that question, too. Oh, and a person can work part time while drawing Disability - though be prepared to resist pressure from the state for your husband to do foster care again; given his problems with responsibility, you'd likely get stuck with much of the work.
Good luck.
Hi Squashee....Some times we have to make our worlds smaller
Submitted by c ur self on
I suggest you just save yourself...There is nothing one can do to change him against his will....You said it well enough here.....Turn your attention on making wise decisions for your future....
I know a couple...She is a school teacher, and her husband has taken jobs, but, want keep one very long....He also does carpentry as a side job...But doesn't make very wise business decisions...(has lost money by taking on customers who wouldn't pay over the years, just leading to more frustration for his spouse)...He seems unaffected by it all, because he has good ole faithful wifey he knows will pick up his slack and keep a roof over his head and food in his belly....
Sadly she has allowed his life style to dominate her focus and steal most any joy she could have experienced in this life....(The picture is....Her.... migraines, high anxiety, separate bedrooms w/ only guilt sex once or twice a year, very sad life)...I guess he feels keeping the animals feed, the grass cut and an occasional side work check to throw in the pot is sufficient.....
I told you this story because this is the picture of so many of our lives.....When there is no forced accountability (boundaries)....Hardly ever does anything change....
Think about it....Best wishes to you!
c