I used to love the idea of our anniversary. It was exciting. I was talking it up months before and sometimes couldn't wait until that day to give it to him. This is when I was co-dependent (I am a recovering co-dependent) and when I felt that by me being the perfect wife, everything would be ok. I bought him gifts very often, anytime I saw something he would love. Fast forward. He is not a gift giver. So I have stopped giving him gifts and saved the money for what I want or need. That gets disappointing when you are the only one that puts your all into something. He says I am the most important person in the world to him. I can't call him a liar. I just know how I feel, lonely and neglected and I know he doesn't do it on purpose.
I don’t want to tell him not to buy a gift since that may be hurtful. I don't even know what to get him. He has everything. He asked what I wanted to do this year and I said we can just eat out. A few days later I told him eating out is not special anymore since we go out all the time and he agreed. I mentioned a painting class and he said “set it up” but I don’t want to hear him brag about being an artist throughout the class.
I owe HIM $200 since he put OUR venetian blinds for our new home on his Home Depot card and then asked me when I could pay him back. Unreal. So a gift for someone that can't even "splurge" and pay for something for your home is ridiculous to me. Just that alone turns me off a bit.
It’s hard to buy something for someone who doesn’t even think about you on the water ice line even though they know you love water ice, the lemon flavor. It’s hard to celebrate an anniversary with someone that doesn’t make you feel loved although he says you are the most important person in his world yet he doesn’t see me off to work since he wants to sleep in (he doesn't work during the week), pray with me at night or talk to me during the day. I initiate a text message with “happy Monday, have a nice day” and then perhaps something I need from the store and he responds in a few words like "will do". So strange. After all these years and the tears and explanation for my unhappiness, he still is the same and can't love me the way I want to be loved for whatever reason. So instead of being further disappointed I have just stopped doing it all, stopped being a gift-giver, and he seems awesome with it instead of me rubbing off on him, he has rubbed off on me or just stolen my joy of giving as a wife.
I wish he acted this way before we started dating. So different than the love-bomber he was. But, it is what it is. I will buy him a gift just as I would a friend and I will return it if he doesn’t get me one. I will not be offended since there is not much to be happy about these days in our marriage. It is not a normal marriage with normal stresses an problems.
I have learned to accept the reality I just wish we didn't have to celebrate this day anymore. He is not evil- just not marriage material not just for me but for anyone and he knows it.