37 wk pregnancy, want to end the marriage with the H totally cannot rely on.
Me and H has been married for 4 years. First baby will be born very soon. But when the due time is approaching, the uncertainty of this marriage keeps growing. When I realized cannot count on the H at all,especially finance side.
I felt been used like an ATM machine. We started running a start-up company based on his idea in 2014. The biz didn’t go very well. There is no profit been made so far at all. So I was thinking of shut it down, but he always want to keep trying and don’t want to close it. But when the company is running, it has many costs need to cover. This month I need pay out 20k USD, last month is 10K USD, and he would ask me to pay minimum 8K USD to company account each month. For the past few years, the total investment is over 1 million USD from my side. Today I was asked to transfer money to the company account again, but I no longer want to support this dying company. So I told him I am not magician and refused to make any further payment.
What surprise me is, it become very easy for him to ask money from me, no matter is for company usage or daily usage, which especially make me feel been used like ATM.
As the baby will be born soon, I tried to talk to him several times state we need stable cashflow, Maybe shut down the company and get a stable job, at least he need cover baby’s milk power ! But he seems still want to keep trying and also try to startup another project and get VC funding. The problem is, for me. Baby will be born this month, and if there is any luck he truly make the project work out, it means I cannot get any financial support from him for another minimum 3 years. No problem I can live and raise baby alone, but it doesn’t mean I do not wish he can share some finance responsibility.
In addition, he doesn’t treasure and make the best use of the resource he get, Which upset me very much. We are living in China, and he cannot speak Chinese after more than 4 years living in China. First year his old company paid him 100 Chinese lessons, and I was glad he finished. 2rd year, I paid 100 Chinese lesson for him, but for the whole year he just attend 3 lessons, the reason was always he is far too busy , no time to learn. The truth is the teacher was very time flexible and always would travel to him to give lesson, and even chased him for having lessons. But it doesn’t change anything. Same this years’ personal training lessons in the gym. Bought more than 40 lessons but he only used around 5 so far.
We been living in different place for several months. I am living with my parents now as I feel safer and supported during pregnancy. As I was so worried what if something emergency happened on me and he even doesn’t know which number to call or how to guide ambulance or tell doctor what happened on me if I passed out. I only put my mom’s information as my emergency contact. Worried if I put his information I might make myself die quicker.
I hired an maid to clean and cook for 3 hours every working day because we were quite busy for a long while. But when I was away, he never think about buying any food, or ask maid to cook anything for him. This Monday the maid asked for one day off and I ordered half ready meal for him as dinner, all he need to do is put it in the pan and cook it. But he just let this meal been expired in the fridge and do not bother to touch it. There were so many fruits been wasted as he bothered to wash, cut and eat them. And never bother to buy any house products like shampoo or shower gel, just wait them been used up. And his study table and bags are always in a mess, he just don’t pay attention to put things away especially those very important documents or government USB drivers or bank cards. This year i have been filed 3 times lost documents of government USB drivers and cards. And yesterday he told me again one gov USB driver and bank card were missing. I just felt, AGAIN, and helpless. It turned out in the drawer I specially kept those stuff in. But the biggest problem was, I point to him many times that drawer is the one to keep very important things and very time after using those stuff need put them back. And the reason he searched for 2 days and told me they were missing because he searched wrong drawers. Which only be found out when I asked him which drawer he was searching for after he surely said both were missing and want to start the lost process again. Clearly he didn’t pay any attention on what I said, it did feel like a big slap on my face.
But actually those feeling are not new, when I was away in South America for one month, I asked him to pay car park monthly rent fee. I repeated 6 times before I got on the taxi to airport. And no surprise, he didn’t bother to walk several hundreds meter to make payment until the day before I came back, I asked him about car park stuff, he said he forget it. And which surprised me most was he doesn’t know how much is car parking fee is in our resident area we already lived for 3 years. And also doesn’t know how much is our apartment rent each month is. His most time seems spend on the untouchable mobile phone, busying talk to many different people on instance message.
The untouchables mobile phone, whenever and wherever he carry with his mobile phone all the time even in the toilet or bathroom, even during sleeping time, he put his phone under his pillow or hand. Once by accidentally he run the instance message app on laptop, and I need use the laptop, then saw those pop up conversation windows. Clearly he was flirting with several girls online. And I show those conversation to him directly, asked why and how. Of course there is no clear answer but many excuses, but after that I know he is start mentally cheating on me. And not sure when it will become cheating both in mental and physical. Actually this not bother me too much now.
If H just been cannot providing support , this relationship might can last longer. But he also caused a lot troubles, which need me to fix after it happened. Again during the 1 month away time, before I left, we were in a discussion with an intern about sign labor contract. And i asked him to make decision soon, if agreed both side signed the contract, otherwise need ask the intern to leave immediately. But when I was back, the thing still not yet finished. The intern told me the feedback from him is very slow, he is always busy, and she sued us in the gov labor department as we didn’t sign the labor contract with her within 3 months. Of course this intern has problem, she asked us to pay 30k to her in private to settle things down. And of course I rejected and start the lawsuit with her. With the evidences is clear she want to blackmail us, and intentionally didn’t want to sign contract with us within legal time, and we finally win this case. But if he can be more alert , make decision quick and response on time, things will not end up like this way. And for this case, I am the one who need being in the front tier to be like a fireman. And things happened again, he pissed off one of our customer again, and our customer refused to be supportive to claim the payment, and thought he even might be make some troubles for us. And I need travel to another city to sort it out while I am 37 wk pregnancy, it’s a big amount of money, it does cause a lot stress on me which make me finally write down those. Just imagining what if the customer really broke the contractrule, and I need start the lawsuit process with them, and again he cannot help too much at all if we finally need go through court. Just picture myself shortly after giving birth and need travel to another city to start this time consuming and stressful lawsuit. It makes me felt so overwhelming, and I am so not sure about keep this relationship last. And I might liver a better life without him, this idea already been in my mind for long time. What hold me back is my baby need to have a father. But if he keep acting like this way and keep making troubles, I would prefer become a single mom.