We are 5 months into our marriage. We were together for 2 1/2 years before the wedding. He told me about his ADD upfront. I wrote it off, not understanding it at the time, or the immeasurable impact that it would have on our lives together. Although he knew that he had ADD, he was not doing anything to manage it. This contributed to his overdrinking on a regular basis. During the course of dealing with that nightmare, our relationship nearly fell apart and I finally started reading about ADD and realized that he was self medicating with alcohol. We dealt with it together and things are much better now on that front. Not totally better, to be clear, but better than they were.
Fast forward to us getting married and living in a relationship where we both are fully aware and present to his ADD. To try and compare it with something, it's like knowing that a car crash is going to happen daily and feeling helpless to do anything about it. Every day is like groundhogs day. He forgets do do something important, which impacts both of us, we have a fight. We don't talk the rest of the night. The next morning, we both acknowledge the role of ADD in the situation....the forgetfulness, the symptom-reaction-reaction argument, the parent-child dynamic, etc. We try and come up with a different, better way to handle the next time, and that is that. Until the next day, when it starts all over again. It's like the age-old story...we both know the hole is right there in front of us. We can see it, but neither of us can seem to walk around it. We fall in, and each time, rather than getting any easier, its getting harder and harder to climb out.
I am unbelievably depressed and quickly losing hope about our relationship. We've had yet another talk about him taking on the responsibility of keeping up on his meds and seeking out support, about me finding a voice for my building frustration and resentment, taking better care of myself mentally and physically. I'm exhausted and I dont know where to turn. I'm writing this post with tears streaming down my face and a throbbing headache, after yet another fight. This time, over parking tickets. We're up to over $600 now, in 2 months. Did I mention that we're broke?!?!
Desperate and alone