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While standing already close together, I ended up slapping his face. I did not approach him to strike him. I was just desperate for him to unfreeze from his blank, robotic, catatonic and silent state. It was pathetic. But he experienced these slaps as strikes.
You've painted yourself as passive in this situation, and have provided a lot of mitigating reasons for striking your partner multiple times. I think, if he's as passive as you describe, you may be able to keep him in an unhappy relationship with you. But I wish you wouldn't.
Loving him is more meaningful to me than being loved by him. I am able to regroup and feel inspired, about life and about him, and when I feel this connection I want only to express love to him, and be a better partner to him. The pain of feeling blocked or exiled when I am grasping how much I truly love him, and feeling that I have failed in making him feel this, is unbearably sad for me.
You're talking about what loving him does for you. I can tell you what it does for him: it gets him physically attacked when you reach your own limits.
I don't have advice for you. But I have sympathy for him.
I don't think what you did was abuse nor do I think you're a criminal. My now ex-husband also did some terrible things in our marriage but when I reacted with any type of emotion he said that I was attacking him. He could not bear to not be seen as nice and good. So he withdrew. I know how hard it is to communicate in such a situation.
Seven years wasted on someone who isn't interested in a permanent relationship. Seven years of "Loving him is more meaningful to me than being loved by him." Maybe the big question to ask yourself is why loving him is more important to you than being loved by him! Please reread what you just wrote. Easily discouraged, lack of persistence, easy going and gentle when things are not negative, aloof and cold when there is a problem. Your spirit and optimism will not change these things about him, you even stated that "He simply does not want to work on himself". That should tell you that he will not change. Why cling to the notion that he is something that he is not? He is not willing to keep growing, he wants everything to stay exactly the same. You were willing to do whatever he wanted because you loved him and he was along for the ride as long as everything was even keel and no changes or self-examination were necessary from him.
The fact that you raised your hand to him, no matter how frustrated or justified you felt, should not be minimized. Whether you tapped his cheek or smacked him does not matter. He used this action as a face-saving way of exiting the unraveling relationship with his pride intact and can now put all the blame of the relationship ending on you.
I understand your feelings but I think it's up to your boyfriend, not us or you, whether he forgives you. I would be pretty upset if someone slapped me, even if only once.
I understand your feelings of wanting so badly to have him respond. It hurts so badly.
My only thought on the slapping issue- if the roles were reversed, and it were a woman who had been slapped by her husband, would you understand that she wanted to walk away and he got no second chances?
While standing already close
Submitted by Pestle on
While standing already close together, I ended up slapping his face. I did not approach him to strike him. I was just desperate for him to unfreeze from his blank, robotic, catatonic and silent state. It was pathetic. But he experienced these slaps as strikes.
You've painted yourself as passive in this situation, and have provided a lot of mitigating reasons for striking your partner multiple times. I think, if he's as passive as you describe, you may be able to keep him in an unhappy relationship with you. But I wish you wouldn't.
Loving him is more meaningful to me than being loved by him. I am able to regroup and feel inspired, about life and about him, and when I feel this connection I want only to express love to him, and be a better partner to him. The pain of feeling blocked or exiled when I am grasping how much I truly love him, and feeling that I have failed in making him feel this, is unbearably sad for me.
You're talking about what loving him does for you. I can tell you what it does for him: it gets him physically attacked when you reach your own limits.
I don't have advice for you. But I have sympathy for him.
You're right
Submitted by split pea soup on
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I don't think what you did
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I don't think what you did was abuse nor do I think you're a criminal. My now ex-husband also did some terrible things in our marriage but when I reacted with any type of emotion he said that I was attacking him. He could not bear to not be seen as nice and good. So he withdrew. I know how hard it is to communicate in such a situation.
thank you
Submitted by split pea soup on
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Move on
Submitted by adhd32 on
Seven years wasted on someone who isn't interested in a permanent relationship. Seven years of "Loving him is more meaningful to me than being loved by him." Maybe the big question to ask yourself is why loving him is more important to you than being loved by him! Please reread what you just wrote. Easily discouraged, lack of persistence, easy going and gentle when things are not negative, aloof and cold when there is a problem. Your spirit and optimism will not change these things about him, you even stated that "He simply does not want to work on himself". That should tell you that he will not change. Why cling to the notion that he is something that he is not? He is not willing to keep growing, he wants everything to stay exactly the same. You were willing to do whatever he wanted because you loved him and he was along for the ride as long as everything was even keel and no changes or self-examination were necessary from him.
The fact that you raised your hand to him, no matter how frustrated or justified you felt, should not be minimized. Whether you tapped his cheek or smacked him does not matter. He used this action as a face-saving way of exiting the unraveling relationship with his pride intact and can now put all the blame of the relationship ending on you.
I agree with everything
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I agree with everything adhd32 said.
I understand your feelings
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I understand your feelings but I think it's up to your boyfriend, not us or you, whether he forgives you. I would be pretty upset if someone slapped me, even if only once.
This is hard
Submitted by Brindle on
I understand your feelings of wanting so badly to have him respond. It hurts so badly.
My only thought on the slapping issue- if the roles were reversed, and it were a woman who had been slapped by her husband, would you understand that she wanted to walk away and he got no second chances?