The cause of our arguments is no different - disconnects on household chores, getting so "stuck" on irrelevant facts while she is talking about something serious, forgetting nearly everything - except for things that don't matter...I could go on, but I'm sure this is not new for anyone who has or is close to someone with ADHD. Our arguments start the same way - but from my perspective she seems more enraged at my inattentive behaviors and patterns. I'm just confused because I feel like my treatment is working (at least I think so) and I'm not sure why our relationship has not improved. At times I feel I should go off my meds and return to the "less worse" way things were with my wife.
My back story: I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD almost 9 months ago and have been covering the "easy" stuff first - med management, diet, educating myself about ADHD etc. The "hard" part has not come easy and I wonder if I am alone. Of course easy and hard are relative, but for me the hard part is rebuilding all the damage and hardship brought upon my wife, family and friends. Part of me feels so much better, but I often get even more frustrated than before since I feel I *should* be able to communicate effectively with my wife and not repeat old patterns. I feel the unbearable weight of me transforming her into, as she has put it, "a person she doesn't recognize", she seems to be stuck on all the past hurt I have brought upon us. Wasn't this supposed to get better? I'd be very interested to learn if there was a catalyst for others that may have precipitated adults from looking at ADHD as a diagnosis. For me, in retrospect, it was the birth of our children about 2 and 3 years ago. As we know I didn't just "get" this so, why now? The realization that my children pushed me over the top is another burden of guilt. I try to remind myself that everyone carries a full bucket and what makes it spill over should not carry significance. I hope I can show enough improvement so my wife can more actively engage with my treatment - letting go of what can't be changed in the past and realizing that the often patterns and behaviors of the ADHD are changing. Hopefully improving.
I'll stop there with hope that someone can relate an experience so I don't feel I am alone. Plus, I find it ironic that most posts on this forum are quite long and I don't want others like me to stop reading after the first paragraph. :-)