Submitted by adhd32 on 08/04/2018.
H left his company phone on the train and got a replacement on Monday. Thursday he came home in a foul mood and I said nothing to him, in fact I made plans and went out after dinner. Yesterday (Friday) he was charging his new work phone, only 4 days in his possession, and I saw that it already had a cracked screen. Now I assume his super nasty mood on Thursday was related to the broken phone.
I cannot understand why, if something is a recurrent problem, H is unable or unwilling to change the way he does things in order to avoid disaster. I understand that things happen, but come on already!!
Inability to see cause and effect...
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
That was my experience with my ex at least. He didn't have the issues around losing things or breaking things quite as much as others it seems... it only happened a handful times in the course of our relationship... but he truly could not see how his choices, habits, or behavior affected an outcome almost 100% of the time. Didn't matter what it was.. it could be something very small or very disastrous.
Therefore he would not change the way he did things and seemed to be constantly shocked/confused/upset/angry when something negative would happen because of something he did or did not do. The next step was usually for him to blame someone or something else for the outcome.
If you tried to point it out to him (no matter how gently) he would declare that you didn't know what you were talking about or he would accuse you of criticizing him.
On the rare occasion that he did admit that he needed to do things differently he usually could not put anything into practice.
I see it clearly now that I'm away from it, but it was pretty baffling at the time.
Another broken cell phone
Submitted by Franchesca on
And I thought my husband was the only man on Earth that went through cell phones faster than he goes through toilet paper. I've Been with him for 30 years and just recently have come to the point where I can say "oh well", smile lovingly and walk away. And if we can afford it he gets another phone if not he has to use Obama phone. "Oh well". But of course I'm responsible for replacing it because he can go without one, making communication harder. Anyways I'm about to get him a flip phone. Lol.
Recurrent problems.....And the dynamic that follows.....
Submitted by c ur self on
I've come to realize a great deal of our conflict happens, not because she show's very limited ability to recognize recurrent (poor) behaviors, and work to make corrections....The conflict happens when I try to help her realize it....LOL.....
Two of these common behaviors are.....Hyper focus that leads to thoughtless decisions.....And, pressing others to comply with her desires, even after you have already told her no thank you, or told her what you have decide is best for you, in a particular situation.....What makes it so prevalent, is that many of the people who love her, our family (her sisters, and our adult children) and many of her girl friends, who doesn't have to deal w/ her, but, a day or two every now and again...Makes it worse by enabling it, just to make her happy or to get her to shut up....LOL...
So I reap the carnage....She knows (deep down) it's disrespectful, (she don't want it done to her) but, like many other bad habits or behaviors that just happens (a fixed part of them) with no awareness....She truly can't help it.....It hasn't cost her enough for her to stop justifying it....Or work to change it....
So that's her problem....Now my problem is, I struggle to not point it out...And usually in a stress filled tones....But the difference is, I'm not condoning or justifying it.... I know to walk away if I can't be calm and nice....I've gotten better, but it's slow because its a daily battle to be aware....
example....She retired and after 6 months took her old job back....But is having to work night shift....So I text her last night and said....(short version)..."We could spend more time together if you want?...I can meet you at the gym when you get off, or we can meet and walk, or bike, a little bit before we tuck you in for your day of sleep....She responded, that she would love that....So this morning I loaded up the bikes, water all the things she wanted (high maintenance).....I told her last night where I would be parked (our normal spot) and if she worked over a bit, or if she beat me there a few minutes, we would just wait on each other....OK,, simple right?...Everything is fixed and in place....
BUT, LOL...it's never simple w/ her...So it's Saturday and the Farmers Market is about 1/2 of mile from where I park....She called me to tell me she was getting off on time, and was going to buy some stuff first...I said fine, Ive got my coffee and I will set and enjoy my coffee and enjoy the morining...I said you know where i will be...She said why don't you come park up here....I said no I wll be where I told you....She called two more time in the next 10 minutes trying to press me to do it her way....LOL....HUMMMMMM....LOL....Oh me...wow....Why do I try?
Anyway, it takes expecting it for one, and patients and wisdom to say no thank you and not allow the pressing to create negative emotion and stressful replies in pointing it out.....DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!....Not good LOL....Yep, look for it....I always think of the perfect thing to say (or not say) after I say the wrong things, or the right things, in the wrong tone....Ever been there?.....I took a eraseable marker and wrote these two things on our bath mirror....."TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR DECISIONS" & "NEVER PRESS ANOTHER PERSON"....Maybe it will be a good reminder for both of us....You can't miss it, neither can our company :)....
c