The following is something I just read that speaks to me and to many of our shared situations. Number 6 is especially something I am coming to realize as a truth and something I am working on. I used to have self respect. Since marriage I lost it in favor of my own decision to self-sacrifice. Acceptance is the key, above all else in living with our own selves. Acceptance has been my lesson that I needed to learn. Acceptance is my path to long overdue maturity in my case. I can't and should not try to change someone else. I can only find my self back again. Jenna
Here it is:
11 Cynical Truths About Life That We Still Refuse to Accept
Happy people don’t wear rose-colored glasses, they just accept the world as it is. And the world has a lot of unpleasant and unfair things in it. And the people who don’t want to notice this, just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Life shows us that you can’t have everything you want and the sooner you realize this, the better.
1 Life is pointless, you just have to find what you like.
Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing if our lives have a special purpose. So, what is the point of wasting our precious time on trying to explain the secrets of the world? Everything seems pointless when there is nothing in your life that you enjoy. You have to try to find the things you enjoy and this will let you enjoy your life.
2 Nobody cares about your problems.
Many people are able to easily tell others about their problems: their back hurts, their salary is low, their boss is mean. But the perception is that these are just talkative people and people are annoyed by their whining and try to steer clear of them. Before you complain about how unfair the world is, think about why you’re sharing this: Are you asking for help or are you just blowing off steam? If someone can’t help you, what is the point of telling them all of this?
3 Year by year, your life becomes more and more boring.
When you do the same thing over and over again, it gets old. And life is basically just you doing the same things over and over again every day. You might travel, ride a horse, or learn a language, but year by year, there will be fewer and fewer things that surprise you. And you might feel bored more and more often, which is perfectly natural. Here’s some advice from Joseph Brodsky about boredom: “When hit by boredom, let yourself be crushed by it; submerge, hit the bottom. In general, when things are unpleasant, the rule is: The sooner you hit bottom, the faster you surface. The idea here is to exact a full look at the worst.”
4 There will always be someone smarter, younger, and more attractive than you.
This is especially hard to admit but, you have to in order to realistically estimate your own importance to other people. If you think you are special, you’re living in an illusion and you will pay for it very soon. Why is this a problem? A girl falls in love with a guy who she can’t control and she thinks that he will change with her, because she is special. Of course, this will never happen. Or an employee tells their boss that they are leaving, hoping the boss will beg them to stay. But the boss just lets them go and they lose their job. So, the sooner you realize that there are many people like you, the better your life will be.
5 The closest people to us usually hurt us the most.
Your loved ones know your weaknesses and sometimes they hit you where it hurts on purpose. These are the toughest times, because we never expect this from them. In order to reduce the damage, just lower your expectations. They are people just like you, they also make mistakes and they have their own desires that are not always the same as yours.
6 People use you because you don’t respect yourself.
This is simple: if you don’t value your own time and power, you will spend it on other people. And you will feel as if it is your own choice. You help a person time after time and then it turns out that they just allowed you to help them, but they have nothing to give back to you. And when they are tired of you, they might just leave you. And it is not that people are not grateful, it is that you are not valuing yourself enough. Instead of spending some time on yourself, you spend it on others. Think about yourself first and then your relatives and other people who need your help.
7 Your health will deteriorate.
Obviously, when you are 40 years old, you will not feel like you did when you were 20. The sooner you realize this and do something about it, the better you will feel in the future. Bad habits help illnesses show up quicker. According to doctors, defective genes load the gun and bad habits pull the trigger. This is why you should walk that extra mile, eat a few vegetables for dinner instead of fast food, or take an extra day off if you are tired. And you can’t and shouldn’t treat yourself like a creature that will live forever.
8 When you are old, you will be alone, and you have to be ready.
And you should be ready both physically and mentally. No matter how sad this is, with age, we have fewer social interactions. Children and grandchildren can’t save us from loneliness and when we are old, we spend most of our time alone. But old age is not all that scary. Nowadays, older people have more opportunities: they can continue working (if they are good at what they do) or have a hobby. It all depends on how you handle aging: if you reconsider your position in society and in the world, you can adapt to the new way of things.
9 There is always a chance your partner will stop loving you.
Promises of eternal love are very rarely kept. Social experts believe that people are inclined to change partners. Feelings go away and you should keep this in mind if you are in a relationship. You can’t just let the other person be everything to you in your life. If they one day stop loving you, you will have to build your entire life from ground zero and this is a tough thing to do.
10 In a relationship, it often happens that one person loves and the other one is loved.
If you feel that you give more than you get in your relationship, it is because this is probably true. This happens either because your partner doesn’t show their love the way you want them to, or because they don’t love you but they are just comfortable living with you. In the first case, if you just tell the other person about what you want, they may try to change. And if changes don’t happen, then you’re probably experiencing the second problem and you need to decide whether you actually need this relationship.
11 Working on a relationship is almost always pointless.
Many people understand “fixing a relationship” as attempts to try and change your partner, set ultimatums, and fight for your own interests. All these actions will probably only lead to a bigger crisis. Instead of trying to get your partner to do something, psychologists recommend giving them what they want. So, you don’t need to work on your relationship, you need to work on yourself and this is true for both of you.