For the past two days I have been so blah. I have been crying at the drop of a dime and feeling like crawling into a hole, not speaking to anyone or going out. I have been irritable and trying not to take it out on my ADHD husband because he has done nothing wrong, just what people with ADHD do. The truth is that I am accepting the reality that even though he is reading books on his new diagnosis and taking 20 herbal pills, vitamins and minerals a day and changing his diet, he may never be able to be the husband that I need or want. I now understand why he doesn't compliment me when the whole world does everyday, why I can text him lovingly 5 times a day to see how he is and how work is going or just to tell him I am on my way home and he hardly ever responds to me, why I can tell him I feel ill and he doesn't even ask me what is wrong, why he doesn't buy me gifts even though I shower him with personal things I know would make him feel appreciated and mean a lot to him. It is so hard to be a thoughtful person that aches to be in love and wants to feel special and be married to someone that loves you and is just not wired like you. I am happy that he has improved greatly in his tantrum area since that was the worst, it made me feel nervous, anxious and I just wanted to die rather than be around him at those times. So I have that to be happy about. Today I feel like someone died and I feel a loss. The acceptance that this may be all that I will ever get is hard. Now that there is a diagnosis and that I see that so many other people act exactly as he does makes me see that no matter how much he tries, wants to try, reads, swallows pills, he may never be thoughtful, romantic, attentive or a gift giver. I guess tonight, after 25 years of marriage, I have to accept that when he says he loves me, I must believe him, even though the way he loves me is not how I would love to be loved. I have compassion for him and after 25 years, I have suffered through my love for him and tried to understand how someone that says they love you can continue to hurt you even after you specifically tell them what hurts you but I still stand by my vow. I can't help but think that my role is that of doctor and he is my patient. Any void I feel as a woman has to be fulfilled by me. My addiction to makeup has resurfaced in the last few weeks since it makes me feel wonderful. Not only do I feel beautiful but when I buy it or order it, it is a gift to myself. But makeup can't fill the void of feeling that you are someone's priority everyday. All I ever wanted was someone that would never stop choosing me. So he is trying to be better however, after 25 yrs of me waiting, I wonder if he can ever catch up to where I am in my needs as a woman. He has been with me since I was 15 and now I am 42 and have lost a lot of time aching for the love he promised me. He didn't know he couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved because he hates himself so much. This is it babe, when you get dolled up and other men say "hey there beautiful, you look great!" and my own husband says nothing, or when I go out of my way to do loving things for him and he doesn't reciprocate, I must accept the reality. All I know from his mouth is that he loves me, I hear him say it, I just don't feel it and I know that saying the words is not enough to make a woman happy, but it's all I have. Unreciprocated effort on my part is exhausting and depleting and makes me feel empty inside- yet he looks at me and says "what is wrong?" Of course when I explain, he feels worse because he doesn't even realize he has done something thoughtless, or doesn't see the issue. So I try to put myself in his shoes...when does he put himself in my shoes? Oh that's right....ADHD, he is on page 1 and I am at the end of the book. God give me strength beyond what is normal so that I can continue to smile and love him and help him without losing myself. I thank God for my family and friends. I have so much to be grateful for. Maybe tomorrow will be better, haven't felt this way in a while. I guess I am grieving. It's been a long time to not have what you want. At 42, I am in my prime and ready to have him dote on me and be romanced. Lowering my expectations is my way of protecting myself but again, I get the short end of the stick since I still want all those things that I am denied. I thought about not texting him throughout the day and just buying him one gift a year for our anniversary instead of whenever I saw something he would love. Sad that I feel that I have to save that energy and go against the grain of my character but it leaves me depleted to do all the work. If I do everything or nothing I get the same from him. Funny thing is that if I stop, he notices and says, "you hardly text anymore". What? My actions are not cues for him...yes I know, ADHD. I cry and ache inside. It's not his fault but it's not mine either. I am a positive and happy person by nature which is why this funk is bothering me. Thank you for letting me vent.
Acceptance of my reality feels like a funeral...
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 05/30/2015.
This is more than a vent....
Submitted by c ur self on
If my wife ever starts feeling this way, I sure do hope she cares enough about me as a person and our future to write it all in a letter or email and give it to me to read and think about.....Sometimes we fall in love with our idea of what love should be....I'm not saying it's not real for us, but it may not be compatible to the thinking or needs of our spouses....
Most people me included reach out to our spouses in a way we would like for them to reciprocate....I would put all this in a letter or email to him....It's his wife's reality, and whether he work with it or not he deserves to know it....And you deserve to be loved in a romantic and passionate way....
C
Good morning. Thanks for the
Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on
Good morning. Thanks for the comment. Rest assured that since I was 17, I have been vocal about these issues verbally, in letter form and by email. Yes, he even says I deserve better. You can't change anyone but yourself, right? I am a romantic at heart and that means that even if I don't get what I want now I know it's possible for my life to change in the future and I don't give up believing in love, the way it could or should be...logical love, if you will. Have a great day!
That's Right :)
Submitted by c ur self on
If we keep a loving line of communication open with the person we have mutual life time Vow's with we can do no more. And. you are so correct, we must deal with our own heart, and our own mind.
Blessings C
Not,
Submitted by Kansasry on
Not,
This made me cry. This is my life right now word for word. My heart aches for you to have endured and waited for something that seems so simple for so long. I can not imagine how you have managed this for 25 years.
I've known my husband since I was 15 as well. We flirted and were friends thru HS but he moved away and we both married other people. I would keep in touch, run into him from time to time, loose touch for awhile and then find him again. He was always charming, kind, considerate, exciting, funny, smart, attentive and supportive. And Handsome, OMG, so freaking handsome.
So when, at 41, I was single again after being dumped for a woman 12 years younger than I, he was there to ensure me I was smart, sexy, beautiful and a great person with real values. We started talking on the phone every night for hours. He would text me all day and even get little upset if I didn't respond back. His attention was intoxicating. I learned so much about the holes in his past I didn't know and I grew to respect his openness and ability to accept his errors. I fell in love and hard.
When he asked me to marry him, I thought I knew all I needed to know about him. I said yes, gave my notice and moved to another state. This was the man of my dreams. He knew how to love me and make me happy. He just knew.
But once I was here, it came to a screeching halt. And I ach for the man I love to come back to me. But I'm living what you are now for 2 years. Seeing that even after 25 years and your husbands acceptance of his reality and yours doesnt change it, forces me to make a choice. My H refuses to accept he has done any wrong or harm though he knows he has ADD and takes medication. He will not make any efforts as he states he is perfect. I'm the one that either needs to change or accept my life.
After 25 years, you deserve happiness. I pray you will know it someday soon.
Kansasry...I am here for you
Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on
Girlfriend, what a rollercoaster huh? Sorry I made you cry although I hope the release was a good one and knowing there are others makes you feel hugged.
So, I wanted to add that I have stopped texting my husband during the day. I have chosen to focus on me during the day. If he communicates, I respond lovingly but I am not initiating. I have been trying this since Thursday and the interesting thing is that he initiated a bunch of times. The other scenario is that neither of us text and when he gets home from work, he is happy, singing and says, "Hey hun, how was your day?" and gives no thought to the fact that it has been over 12 hrs that we spoke a simple "hello". So all these years, I, as the "normal" person have been stewing daily because he doesn't seem to care about my day, well-being, etc but it doesn't phase him. He is not mad, sad, vindictive, just not thinking like me. So, this is my new life and protection for my heart. Someone asked me if the fact that he is controlling his temper (towards himself) is enough for me. Well, it was the worst part since it IS indirect emotional abuse. So, if that is gone, then all that is left is putting up with feeling neglected and more like a sister to the man you said "I do" to. The other day I was so pensive about what being in love is and I can honestly say that the feeling of "I can't live without him" is no longer present but I still love him. I mean, we have been married 25 years, we have memories, good and bad. The greatest feeling I have is compassion, the ability to put myself in someone else's shoes and ACT on the feelings of sympathy and empathy. Some days I want to run though, I won't lie. I have had days when I thought about cheating to end it all but that is not me at all. I just want to be in love and cheating doesn't guarantee a single thing. It may be worse and trust is broken as well as betraying myself. Its the pain talking and the ache to have another life. But I can't destroy his life any further than it is with his own past demons, self-loathing thoughts and low self-esteem. So, that being said, I choose to become more like him ONLY when dealing with him- others love my giving, thoughtful and loving ways. :) So, "don't be mad when I pull a you on you" is the quote I am adopting. He is not mean just thoughtless and he doesn't seem to be phased by it so he shouldn't be phased when I ease off a bit and take back some of the energy I have put into him over these years into ME. Karaoke, pedicures, massages, losing weight, visiting family, going to a Broadway show, getting dolled up and going out with the girls, yes, I love my friend, my husband, I will stand by him supportively without leaving myself to the last place though. But know this, if this should all end tomorrow, I will not be broken or lost without him. I would sigh in a bit of sadness and relief. I would pick myself up with all the experience I have gained from the endurance and perseverance and let the 17 year old girl in me have a second chance at what she wants- now knowing what I DO and DON'T want. I am not afraid to be alone anymore, I mean I have learned to enjoy my company. I have never let myself down. Always wear your invisible crown Kansasry. Find your happy spot in your mind that you can visit daily. Music and good friends helps me, Karoake too. We are here for you.
I could have written this
Submitted by dvance on
Oh NGLM--I know exactly what you mean. I am staring down the barrel of 20 years married to an ADHD man and it really is incredibly lonely. My guy does the same thing--if I text him he may or may not answer and says nothing about even getting the text. If I call and he doesn't answer he may or may not ever call back and doesn't say anything that I even called. Many many times he has called from the road (he travels for work) and he will say he will be home at 2pm (for example) and then does not walk in until 6pm with no mention of where he was in between. It happens so often I quit asking. In another post I talked about this--most people appreciate those little acts of care and concern--calls, texts,etc., and know enough to appreciate that the other person would like that too, but our guys don't. If I ask too many questions he tells me I am interrogating him. Again, most people like the care and concern shown by asking questions. Our guys don't. You are totally correct to pull back and spend more of your energy on YOU not him--he likely won't notice. I do so many things DH doesn't notice. I have been tutoring a student weekly since January and I have never said a word. That money is mine. I have bought shoes, perfume, a spray tan (that he didn't notice). It's not enough money that it messes up our budget if I don't pay bills with it, so who cares?? I go to theater with friends, I go out to dinner, do stuff with the kids when he is out of town, take naps, sleep in, stay up late and eat popcorn while watching Netflix when he goes to bed at 8pm. I have posted about this before: everything that makes me happy does not include him. It is just necessary to make a life for YOURSELF because they are just not present enough. It is incredibly sad and lonely, but it can be done. It hurts like hell at first to pull back. It feels terribly selfish at first. Those feelings go away when you get happier about yourself and you see that they don't notice. Give yourself some time, take it slow. Think about what makes you happy--returning to something you used to do or trying something new. I tried hot yoga about a month ago and it turns out I love it. Who knew?! So that is the new thing. Theater and opera is the old stuff that I am going back to. Love them both. Went to an amazing play last night and just bought my opera subscription for next season. So those are my old things that I used to love and will return to. Here's a quote I like: do no harm but take no shit. Good motto. Good luck.
dvance...I LOVE IT!
Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on
Yes! Opera, theatre- go ahead girl! I did Karoake last night and got home at 10:30 PM and the husband said, "Oh so you were doing errands?" Ok, I told him but he forgot but never called to see where I was at 10:30 PM. I wasn't mad cuz I had a great time! I just said, "No, it's Karoake night. I had a blast" and he continued on his laptop. I sat with him a bit and went to bed and he followed me. It's like a game of hard to get, yes, it feels evil and selfish but I should have done this years ago instead of babying him and being his mother. Better late than never. Last year, I actually saw Lion King on Broadway with a new gfriend I made and he knew nothing about it and I went to see Charlie Wilson in concert with my sister because he is over the top. I was nice though and bought us tickets to see Josh Groban this September. I hope he can behave but I love me some Josh so I will enjoy it! This is getting easier the less sentimental, sensitive, mushy I am. Bluntly, it is easier when you don't care as much. Sad to say because I am full of romance and caring. I listen to my other girlfriends complain about their spouses and there are ways that my husband excels like not complaining if the is nothing to eat, or he doesn't care if we eat leftovers, he doesn't get made if the house is in disarray if I am too tired, some men are overly demanding, mine just doesn't seem to care much. Sometimes its to my benefit. But anyway, I start thinking about amazing things to do on my wkends to keep me busy. I have started to enjoy going to bed alone and not think he doesn't love me, he is just interested in his tv program. I have a meditation app that I love called Simply Being and Simply Resting and it helps relax me. There are some husbands/wives that are not very nice and do things on purpose. You have to know the difference. If you know deep in your heart that your spouse loves you but is just damaged, then its easier to live through this. They don't show it like we do. My friend/therapist said that if I can think of him as brain damaged, I would be better off. Of course this is the friend side talking. :) Just this morning I said goodbye because I am going to my Moms for the weekend and he gave me a tap kiss and kept on sleeping. I thought, "Boy, that's it? Something could happen to me" But I ended up going in and giving him a real hug and telling him I would keep in touch. I just do my part. My other friend said that the husband knows I am self-sufficient and strong and will be fine since I have shown him I am all these 25 years and he knows I will be fine without him. Its true. He has told me that if he dies, he knows I will be fine and move on. I have always known that.
Dvance, keep in touch and let me know if you do any other things that are fun! Enjoy your opera and I will belt out tunes Thursday at Karaoke (he steals the limelight so I go alone). All this with a smile because I love me and I rock. My friends say he is one lucky man- I agree. :)
Not being the only one helps.
Submitted by Kansasry on
Not being the only one helps. At least I can tell myself everyday I'm not crazy!
Almost everyone loves my husband and he gives them his best. (except for his ex-wife, kids and a sister) They do not believe me when I try and explain how our life really is. They think his lies are what is real. I am starting to think even my H believes his lies.
And you are so right, we need to care for our self and spoil us sometimes. We have been so tight on money for 2 years that even the basics to care for me went away. No hair cut in over a year. No more brow waxes. Home color only. No pedi/mani. Only drug store make up. Thrift store clothing for me. I do my best to look good but after 2 years, well, I could look more maintained.
H finally got a real job a month ago and I was ready to go in to a real Salon! But, he pulled his normal bull and told me he wanted a divorce (he wouldn't need my income now that he managed to get a real job after 2 years) and left to move in with his best friend. So, no salon for me. Then he came back, you know all full of promises, but my gut told me it wouldn't last. He only wants to max the 2 incomes to pay off his credit card bills and wait out out lease so his credit won't get messed up and then he would leave. Though he swears he isn't going to do that.
Well yesterday I found a text between him and that friend. Just 5 days ago his buddy told him to stay strong, stick to the plan and in 8 months they will be roommates. Our lease is up then. So, I was right.
I drove into town, got my hair cut and colored and my eye brows waxed. I felt pretty amazing for about 4 hours, then I was pretty mad. Mostly at me because I knew he was full of it the whole time but i let that part of me that loves him override the part of me that KNOWS him.Sigh.
So, this weekend I'm heading into the big city. I'm going to pick up some 200 jeans and get a mani.pedi and enjoy an over priced glass of wine.
If he thinks my income is going to his credit cards over the next 8 months, he is so wrong.
The more I read....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
<<<<
H finally got a real job a month ago and I was ready to go in to a real Salon! But, he pulled his normal bull and told me he wanted a divorce (he wouldn't need my income now that he managed to get a real job after 2 years) and left to move in with his best friend. So, no salon for me. Then he came back, you know all full of promises, but my gut told me it wouldn't last. He only wants to max the 2 incomes to pay off his credit card bills and wait out out lease so his credit won't get messed up and then he would leave. Though he swears he isn't going to do that.
Well yesterday I found a text between him and that friend. Just 5 days ago his buddy told him to stay strong, stick to the plan and in 8 months they will be roommates. Our lease is up then. So, I was right.
I drove into town, got my hair cut and colored and my eye brows waxed. I felt pretty amazing for about 4 hours, then I was pretty mad. Mostly at me because I knew he was full of it the whole time but i let that part of me that loves him override the part of me that KNOWS him.Sigh.
So, this weekend I'm heading into the big city. I'm going to pick up some 200 jeans and get a mani.pedi and enjoy an over priced glass of wine.
If he thinks my income is going to his credit cards over the next 8 months, he is so wrong.
>>>>
The more I read about your story, the more I think your H is also a narcissist. The way he "swept you off your feet" and got you to quit your job and move across states....only to treat you badly once he "had" you. This is very classic NPD behavior.
I think you mentioned that a good bit of his earnings goes to support his children with his exwife, so he has been using you and your salary to "make up " for his income going to his children.. (also, his story about why he never sees his children is also classic NPD).
I am so glad to hear that you're making plans and doing things for you. Moving your money to your own acct, etc.
However, be very careful.....when people like your H find out that they've been "out smarted", they can get very evil and vicious.
You mention that he'll realize what's going on when your next paycheck goes into your own acct, rather than the joint acct. Do you have a place to go to? A friend's home? someplace that he won't know where to find you? I am concerned that he will get very ugly with you.
You mention that he is very good looking. And, his exwife is amazing looking. I think he's fantasizing about all that. The two of them, how they both looked together. How they both likely attracted a LOT of attention when they were together. The beautiful people. I'm sure you look good, but he seems to be really drawn to whatever "hot type" his ex is.
The fact that your courtship was "long distance" is also very telling. I have a friend whose story is JUST like yours except for the "beautiful ex wife part." She and her H knew each other when younger as friends. They both went their separate ways, marrying other people. When he was single again, he found out that she was, too, and called her up. they had a long distance relationship for about a year. He proposed. She quit her job and moved herself and her son to his state. Now the following part isn't like your story (as far as I know) but it's telling that he was able to pull the wool over her eyes when she lived in another state. Once they married, he rarely bathed, rarely changed his clothes, kept weird hours, etc. The marriage fell apart after a couple of years. She felt duped.
Yes. I'm just learning to
Submitted by Kansasry on
Good for you! Don't be upset
Submitted by dvance on
Good for you! Don't be upset if DH doesn't notice on you what he notices on others. Do things for YOURSELF. He is too self absorbed to care. Over time I kind of feel like it's a game--what can I do that he won't notice but I will?!? New perfume? Love it. New shoes? Yes! I sound like I spend all kinds of money on myself, but really I am a terrific bargain shopper--example--the last cute dress I bought cost me $18 down from $65--it was on sale and I had a coupon for the store. Ditto with lotions, makeup, shower stuff-I love all that stuff, but I watch for good sales. I just did a thing at The Body Shop that was buy three get three free. Found three products that I use anyway and tried three fun things for free! Love it. Nothing he will ever notice. It's for me. Whatever your financial situation, there is something you can do for yourself. Taking walks by the lake is my most favorite thing and it's free. I made a free Pandora account so I can listen to my favorite music and there you go.
good luck-keep us posted--paying attention to yourself for a change is so worth it--
Do Things for yourself......
Submitted by c ur self on
Guy's I guess this is our life story....My wife took off to China for 13 days...stayed home for 4 now she is gone again for I guess 3 ....She will have to return to work on Wed...While she was in China I spent a week at the beach. My oldest daughter came and hung out with me 3 nights...That was nice....Now I'm setting here as usually alone.
When a wife tells you what she is going to do...Then her next comment is...I want you to come with me...Or will you come with me?....What room does that leave a husband? LOL...I just tell her God has pronounced how marriage should operate....And that at it....I tell her, I'm the husband, you're the wife....We set down and mutually discuss things....And make decision out of the unity of the two being one....I don't mind her doing what she is doing. I've struggles today....I asked her to pray about the way she is living while she drove down to see her sister and our son's....I've tried to stay focused on my life....But, lets face it....When you are married, being at the beach by yourself leave a lot to be desired....I encouraged many on this site to not let your spouse's lifestyle dominate your thoughts. To do as dvance say's live your life...Have a life and live it.....I'm much better at that now regardless how empty it seems much of the time....I'm not going to seek for her to show love and I sure can't make her do anything,, nor would it be love if I could....So, I just have to keep trusting, and living, and being thankful for my blessings....Never again get bitter about what I can do nothing about....I just can't fall into the traps that God has reveled to me and saved me from in the past years of this marriage....If I let my emotions, my thoughts get dominated by her living of life....Then she controls me.....So, rebuke unhealthy thoughts....Continue to focus my energy on the things I can do for myself, and others who I can help or come along side of.....
Sorry for this vent...It's mostly so I can reread it myself to encourage myself to go pray, and sleep well....I love my wife...She is who she is....She lived single for 46 years with severe add and raised to fine young son's alone....Lot's of help from her two sisters...Both of her parents have passed from this life....So really all she has loved is her Son's and Sisters....They were her life....She had pretty much decided she would never marry....I can't fell hard at her for what she is doing tonight....It's just the way it is in our lives.....If I play any role in helping our relationship, it will be if I just stay consistent....Not enable, Not raise my voice in frustration when it only hurts....And really isn't helping anyway......We had huge frights two nights in a row....Heated arguing, and she cussed and called me names....And I preached a while;(....But, I might as well been talking to the dog, because she always tune's me out....(and should;) I hate that happened, it was quiet for about 24 hours....Then she started cleaning and doing stuff....And started speaking and wanting me to brag on her.....I did...:)....Man we are a pair.....LOL....I may have to go back to work, I'm to bored, I'm rock hard and my stomach hasn't been this flat since high school....I've worn out my bike, I had to have new sprockets put on it....I just hate to go back to a public job, because i know I've got this place to take care of....My parents are in their early 80"s and I would be the only child that would be able to go tend to them if and when it come to that....Oh well, God is awesome and he has brought me through 58 years....And blessed me way more than I deserve.....Again, if anyone is reading this sorry about the pity party...I feel better though...Good night friends....
Pamper away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on
Yes Kansasry! If you are unhappy AND you don't like what you see in the mirror, it is worse. Hey, I always remember my maiden name because that is who I am. The depression can make you something you don't recognize and also DO things that you would never do but we must have the strength to be loyal to ourselves and not change for the worst, what good would we be to ourselves, family and friends? So self-improvement is the name of the game as well as education on WHY our spouses act the way they do. Even if they don't come around, the mirror won't lie to us as to who we have chosen to become. I know you look amazing with your haircut!
Dear notgonnalose: Could have written this also
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I also could have written this. It's a harsh reality that I had to come to accept over the course of 32 years with an undiagnosed....then diagnosed 9 years ago, and undertreated ADHD husband. It's only been the past few months that he is acting so much better.
The worst part is how I feel about myself. After having to suppress many of my "normal" feelings and expressions of love, desire, hurt and other emotions for so many years, I have become a different person than I used to be. I don't like myself at all any more, and that is an AWFUL thing to say. But, it's hard for me to even look in the mirror because of all the changes I did to myself to live with what I did not understand. I berate myself for having stayed so long, and giving up a life that maybe "could" have been better, and then get angry at myself for even "thinking THAT". I know I can't live in the "what if"s". It's too late for me now because of being totally disabled currently due to serious back pain and needing surgery, but it's good that my husband is now being who I wished he could have been years ago, but all the years of stress have CERTAINLY taken a serious toll on my person......body, mind and spirit....but ESPECIALLY my body. I just wore myself OUT trying to keep up.
My husband is also happier too, and I guess we are both grieving all the 'LOST" years. He was just diagnosed with prostate cancer and is being treated as we speak. Life has been so difficult. I guess it's just a bad day. Sorry this is such a downer.....it's just how I've been feeling as of late.
I get so sad for us when I
Submitted by dvance on
I get so sad for us when I read these--what kind of a twisted life did we stumble into that we have to actively seek out other people and activities without the person we are supposed to want to be with just so we can have some fun and feel like ourselves? Sometimes I barely remember what I used to be like. I used to have opinions and a point of view and hobbies and now just making sure our life stays afloat takes so much out of me there is no brain energy left. This past week was the last week of school--I teach junior high and am the assistant principal. Students were done Wednesday, we had staff meetings Thursday and Friday. Today, Saturday, I slept until noon. Oldest son lifeguards at the beach from 9-5 and youngest son goes to tae kwon do and then a science thing at the library for a few hours in the afternoon. DH has never been a sleep-in person so he does get up with them and makes breakfast and gets everyone where they need to be. I could have slept more. I totally appreciate DH getting up with them and boy I needed this sleep. My point is the exhaustion--scary. So things I plan to do for myself this week--yoga, swimming--which I haven't done in forever, lake walks--took one today and it was wonderful. My town does this outside dance thing every Thursday that I went to every week last summer with a friend and had a ball--we danced our asses off and DH never came and I'm not even sure he knew I went. Also lots of reading this week--I have a big pile of TO READ stuff from the school year. DH leaves Sunday afternoon and gets back Thursday or Friday so I have all kinds of time to myself this week.