Well I had an entire post ready for the resources thread and the net ate it! I figured maybe there'd be more views here and it does deal with my greatest source of anger surrounding my husband's ADD--His apparant refusal to do the work to move past frustrating ADD behaviors.
We'll be married 8 years at the end of the month, for the most part extremely happily, but were at a point of extreme frustration with his lack of follow-through when we got the ADD diagnosis 2 years ago. HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF! Immediate information cramming from both of us--me with books and him on the web (only likes audio books)
He immediately went on Ritalin but refused to let go of the idea that the pill would be a magic bullet, so he did nothing else other than gather information. We discussed all the reasons it would take more than meds (glasses will allow you to see the needles but can't teach you to sew, etc), but though he agreed outloud, he continued to hope/believe in his mind that the meds would be enough. This INFURIATES me about him. We can talk and agree on an issue, but irregardless of what he says outloud, his mind stays believing what he wants to be true--and naturally his actions follow suit.
He isn't doing nothing. He takes his meds (now Alderall) mostly the way he is supposed to, he sees a coach about once a month though it should be more frequently. He has an appt tomorrow and it going to try to transfer to someone more skilled with ADD patients. He helps out around the house much more consistantly, he tries to keep a schedule in starts and stops.
He admits he has ADD and he can often see where it causes problems for us. I know my angry dealings with his lack of doing more about the ADD also are not helping. I have a list of books I want to read, Odd One Out, The Dance of Anger, Is it You, Me, or Adult ADD (which I think is for the nonADD mate), and Honey are You Listening?--written by an ADD husband and nonADD wife. We already have quite an extensive ADD library--I devour the books and he reads bits and pieces that interest him and also specific sections that I point out.
He is open to discussing anything. He is open to doing more, but he doesn't actually do it. I know and understand how much better off I am than many of the ladies here with husbands that won't step up at all. I am not now nor can I ever imagine reaching a point of divorce over our issues surrounding this, but it makes me angry and frustrated and this is not how I want to feel nor act toward this man who I love deeply.
I'm considering enrolling us in the "Virtual ADHD Conference" that starts tomorrow, however in this economic climate, I know this will probably have to be my anniversary present, and it causes me to feel some resentment. Obviously, working out these issues and getting him on a firm plan of attack is worth anything to me, so of course I'm willing to do it but not till I can be sure I won't resent him for it.
I feel all the sacrifices and ideas have to come from me. We really thought if he could just get in a habit of daily checking his schedule, everything would be so much better, so I offered to buy him his dream computer monitor (it's always tech toys with these men isn't it??!) as his anniversary present but he could get it up to 2 months early if he checked his schedule faithfully every day for 30 days. We thought this would be enough to form a habit. HE DID IT FAITHFULLY. Every day--accomplished much. No arguments at all. And then got his monitor and practically quit cold turkey. Now I am frustrated again. I feel the only way for him to get more than verbally behind an idea, is for the suggestion to come from him, but he won't suggest any ideas!!
I think we need to get more intense. We've considered boot camps offered at addclasses, the time management seminar, paying for intensive coaching (rather than the mediocre free coaching we are getting so far with insurance), but I don't see any point in throwing money at this problem until he commits to a plan of action. He is interested in the Virtual Conference Subjects but doesn't want to spend the money, but he will probably go for it if I tell him this is what I want for a present.
What would you do??