So, right now we have a number of projects H started 1, 2, or 3 years ago. Like for instance, he tore up a small ceiling area because there were drips coming from upstairs. The ceiling has been unfinished and sits unattended for 4 months. There is a shed that has a hanging off door and I have been asking that we decide and work together to fix the door or remove the shed. It has been an eyesore and a vermin magnet for over a year. Many more projects that need to be done around our house. He mostly says that he does not feel well this day or that day or the weather is not good....anything to derail me. Today he started shoveling some dirt from a 4'x 12', 30 year old raised garden which stopped being able to grow anything in it because bacteria and fungus has contaminated the soil. So right now I was watching H with his tractor and wagon on the NEIGHBOR LADY'S LAWN and I asked, "What are you doing?" He said he was "filling up the little indents in her lawn using the soil from the old raised garden". I reminded him that a few years ago, I took samples of plants and soil to the State Extension and they told me the soil had bacteria/fungus that was infecting anything that was trying to grow in it. That is why we stopped planting that garden. I told him he had better not put that all over the neighbors lawn. He said to me that I was lying. WHY would I lie??? He kept shoveling the wagon load of dirt on her soil. WHY was he even using his time to do that to a neighbor's lawn anyhow?
This is clearly ADD because in his mind, I'm guessing, he was just totally involved with the shovel, the wagon load of dirt and the tractor. His attention was so focused on the shovel, the tractor, the wagon load of soil, that he could not think about what was appropriate (not doing anything to the NEIGHBOR"S lawn!). We live on 8 acres of country woodland by a creek....ACRES of woods and rocks to put that soil in many areas that we own. But in his mind, he was doing the neighbor a favor and can't be interrupted on his mission of working with the tractor, the shovel and the wagon load of soil. I am powerless to stop him. I and the neighbor lady do not exist in his world of the shovel, the tractor and the wagon load of soil. The "little lawn dents" are not even visible on a country lawn....we all have "dents", violets, and all sorts of wildflowers growing in our lawns here. So there he is killing her lawn with infected soil and I feel powerless to stop him. He, meanwhile, is angry at me for mentioning that the soil was infected and tested.
This makes me so upset because it seems so bull-headed and pointless and he is so unable to talk or consider me (or the neighbor lady) or realize that what he is doing is harmful and none of his business. While those things that ARE his business and his responsibility have been erased from his consciousness.
I am trying to describe my feelings....frustrated, infuriated, helpless, afraid of our future together and ashamed of all the years I have spent in this sort of situation where I had no voice and, by association, was involved in yet another odd, inappropriate action.
And I know that he will be slamming things extra hard tonight because I interrupted him with my "lies".