When I ask dh what love is to him, he said that "Love is when he feels pleasure, a feeling inside that makes him smile." So he loves his beer, his tobacco, his games, his winning, his erections. He loves his sons only when they give HIM pleasure. He loves me ONLY when I give him pleasure. He puts his focus and energies and resources toward THOSE things that will make HIM smile. He does not need to DO ANYTHING for the people he expects to love him. People who love him need to give him pleasure for him to feel love (pleasure). Because love, to him, is a feeling...no motivation to DO anything....just feel it. He thinks he is loving and generous because he smiles a lot and tells jokes. The conceit of this is lost on him. This type of one-sidedness of LOVE is what leaves us needy and feeling betrayed.
The romanticizing of love (this pleasurable feeling of physical attraction) is for for teenagers and is called just that - attraction. Romantic love is not an example for a mature husband and father who loves his family. Growing up means you have a more mature sense of what real love is.....it is providing safety, a home, an accepting place to BE for ANOTHER person, opportunities for growth and thriving for your loved ones benefits, being able to be depended on.
It is sad to us non ADDers that there must be a threat to your own selves before you feel an inspiration to contribute to the success of your family. In MY mind, love is the action of putting yourself out (even though it may be uncomfortable or difficult or boring) for another or a thing because you want that other person or thing to BE WELL and to grow and thrive with you. This is LOVING life and FAMILY more than you love your distractions FROM life and family.
Can an ADD person maintain love and caring for longer than a few years at best? A person I know with ADD tells me she knows she could not maintain a long term relationship because she gets bored and distracted. She accepts this as a reality. I think this is being very honest. If this is fact for ADD, this fact should be shared to the public as a whole so that neither the ADDer nor an unsuspecting spouse needs to live a lifetime of frustration.