I am 31, and I recently discovered that I have ADD. It feels like a ton of bricks have been lifted from my shoulders. I feel great about it. It has explained a great deal of my life. I've always had a sense that I was different, but I never knew what it was.
I've been married for almost 3 years now, and unfortunately my ADD has damaged my relationship with my wife. Actually, I believe all of my relationships were damaged due to my inability to focus on a significant other. As I am writing this, I realized that I just said "ADD has damaged...", but I do not want to blame the ADD. I gave into my inner desire to stay "busy" 24-7. I believe the word is "insatiable". I always assumed that my wife was happy because she never complained to me. As things went on, she sought out attention from others and had an emotional affair (over the internet).
It's been a little over three weeks since I discovered this emotional affair and it nearly ended our marriage. My wife and I had agreed to go to marriage counseling, and this is where my ADD was discovered. Since discovering this, I feel that things have greatly improved for the both of us. My wife had told me that she feels like this is our second honeymoon (while I was thinking the same exact thing). Now, we talk every day, mostly about how we feel and I am very excited about it. We are taking walks and preparing dinner together. I love it. Every night when we go to sleep, I tell her that "today is the second best day in my life." Second to the day I married her. I feel that and I believe that (but it has only been 3 weeks).
My biggest fear is that I will not be able to control my mind and I will drift off again. I am afraid I will become bored and irritated, mostly because this is how I have been in the past. I feel that I have been hyperfocusing on her and I don't want that to go away. If I were to compare myself to a stereo, I would either be on mute, or full blast. Never in between.
It's also embarrassing to say that I just discovered that women need emotional connections, while men need physical connections. I have a tendency to over-complicate and over-think things. Is it really as simple as just listening and talking? Spending time with her, helping her with the chores, going to the movies, talking about life, etc...? Maybe it's my ADD talking, but I feel that she would eventually get bored of that (mostly because I think that I would). I don't really know what "emotional connection" means. The word "emotion" makes me think of sadness, crying and frustration. I don't think I'm emotionally connected to myself. I have had a very low self-esteem growing up, mostly because I never fit in to any crowd. As an adult, I still have a low self-esteem but I have improved greatly, ever since I've been working as a software engineer. I receive a lot of praise for my workmanship and creativity.
I want to give her the world, but I don't know how. (<-- Just thinking this brings tears to my eyes...and I don't know why) When we got married, I told her that she did not have to work. (She has a masters degree). I assumed that she would have been happy and she would have looked at this as a sign of how much I love her - where I don't want her to have to put up with other peoples crap in the workplace. I did not want her to ever have to deal with stress. Needless to say, it was a bad idea because it made her feel lonely.
I want to keep her interested and excited but I feel it will be hard - because it is hard for me to stay interested and excited so I feel that everybody is like that.
The other day, I was looking thru some of the books in my library and came across a book that somebody had bought for me as a wedding gift. It was titled "What men know about women". I was actually excited to have come across this book, as I am desperate to find ways to make her happy. Sadly, when I opened the book, every page was blank. It was a cruel joke, but it did make me laugh.