Submitted by Rosem1111 on 03/29/2010.
When he is feeling angry about something I am saying to him, my ADD husband has said for as long as I have known him that "You are just like your mother!" He says this in a very angry and despising way. After that he tells me to "Shut up!". He does not like my countering him, however I do it.
It gets to me how he brings my mother into it as she has many qualities I don't like and find abnormal and intrusive. Ironically my husband is very like her. But it upsets me to be told I am like her.
Does anyone else experience this sort of thing, including have your partner try to shame you?
not an ADHD behavior
Submitted by arwen on
I've seen this kind of behavior from plenty of people who don't have ADHD. This is just bloody-mindedness, in my opinion.
His Bad Behaviour
Submitted by Rosem1111 on
Yes, I think he is behaving badly too. And yet I get confused because he denies doing anything wrong and never apologizes. In fact he blames me.
I find it strange that I get upset when he is the one doing the wrong thing. I am not sure why I get upset but I think it is because he is my husband.
sounds familiar
Submitted by Clarity on
I'm told to shut up anytime he hears something he doesn't want to hear like when I try to point out his mistake or explain why something is not my fault or when I want to indicate that what is good for the goose should be okay for the gander... I've found that I need to be sure to keep a level tone and be very politically correct when speaking with him. He also likes to say that it's my dad that has ruined my relationships with other men even though I haven't spoken to my dad since I moved out of the house when I was 18 and I've been living with my ADD husband for almost thirty years. He's a lot like him, I must have been comfortable with the familiar vibe... he's often "corrected" me in public about saying something he once again misunderstood. Thankfully, the meds seem to take the edge off and help him think before he speaks in public I guess, I do my best to avoid him if we're out together at a family functions and anywhere else for that matter...
They are Clones
Submitted by Rosem1111 on
Yes, I see the similarity all right. Wow!
My husband doesn't like even the gentlest & most careful feedback. My mother can certainly talk way too much, but he takes this fact and makes out I do the same thing. But the reality is that I am more like my father and so am inclined to think things through, be moderate and even to keep more to myself for the peace of it. I guess he just wants me to say nothing and is so unscrupulous that he twists things so he can attack me in ways that get to me. And my husband can nag but I never do.
My husband has corrected me in public. He then gets very angry with me afterwards because I speak up, just in a calm and straight way. He tells me I have embarassed him and he is very angry.
He really seems to have no understanding that what he does influences what I do. But I have told him I will always speak back if he tells me off in public and that I am determined to do this. So, if he doesn't want me answering back, he shouldn't tell me off in the first place.
This reminds me that consequences are what influences him. The only way I could stop him, early on in our relationship, from forcing my head and back right back (ouch! Yes, I told him) when giving him a standing kiss (he is a fair bit taller than me) was to say I thought I might end up kneeing him in a delicate place if he kept it up. Miraculously he never did it again. I felt mean & ashamed, but he had really been hurting me and telling him so was ignored. The first time I complained (nicely) he shouted "You're rejecting me. You're rejecting me !!!!". And I still married him!? Now look at the trouble I am in.
My husband is not on medication as he tends to avoids doctors & doesn't admit to any imperfections. But he is much nicer when he is on holidays and, I presume, away from the stress of work and can nap during the day and so make up for his insomnia and the late time he goes to bed.