My wife and I have been together for about two and a half years. We werent together for very long before we got married, as she had a three year old daughter and I wanted to quickly become her father. Many times she has told me she has ADD and has been on medication for it for many years. I never truly understood what the effect of the ADD was on our marriage.
We have had many problems in our short marriage and until recently we have been able to get past them, but for the past few months she has had frequent mood swings and many times has become angry for what I see as nothing, and is constantly walking a string of wanting to stay in the marriage and wanting to get away. I don't know what I can do. I am in therapy myself, as is she, and we are in couples counseling. All these things are helpful to an extent, but things seem to be getting worse.
I dread her coming home at night, I am stressed every minute of the day because I never know how she will be feeling at any given time and what her feelings will lead her to do. One day she will be so incredibly disconnected and not want to talk, the next she might want a lot of comfort and contact, the next day she could be angry at me for something I did, or it could be nothing. And it changes. Its impossible for me to comfortably give her the comfort, contact and intimacy that we both need because I am constantly on edge.
We did finally have a talk last night and she told me that many times when she is angry or sad or whatever the extreme emotion is, she is not that emotion AT me, but at something else and it just comes out at me. It is impossible for us to relate to each other as all she sees are her feelings and what she perceives and as hard as I try to be patient and understanding and get some grip on what is going on with her, it seems to change so much that its impossible. She freely admits to having ADD and it being fairly serious, but doesn't seem to feel that she is to blame for any of the effect that has on the marriage. What do I do? How can I cope with this? It has been recommended that I give some distance, but knowing that she is walking this line of wanting to leave, or disconnecting, that makes me incredibly nervous. Has anyone else experienced these kind of swings and extreme emotions? Could it be the medications? Thanks.