This was a question I was trying to find out when we were planning to enter marriage counseling but H sabotaged that so now we are no longer going. I did manage to ask before we ended therapy, how do I tell if he is in an ADD moment, selfish bad behavior due to poor upbringing, pain due to past spinal chord injury 25 years ago? So many issues which am I dealing with. The psychiatrist he WAS seeing said it is not my job he needs to express what the problem is. I told him given the fact communication is non existent with him I don't see that happening but ok.
So this happened last night and I dunno I just think this is a selfish moment. An all about me, which seems to be his personality actually the longer I have known him (almost 8 years, 5 of these married with going on 3 kids).
---So last night I am rolled into this chair trying to be comfortable and rest and aching and feeling like crap at 9.5 months pregnant (still working full time and managing kids), while my 2 toddlers play on tablet and Adhd H announces that because I stopped massaging his toe and stretching it for him (as if we had some physical therapy session going on for years?) it has disabled him. I used to roll it around on occasion for him when he came back from a long construction week or hunting etc... and it was all crippled up but stopped over time because caring for kids, myself, house, EVERYTHING and honestly his personality last 3 years has just repulsed me.
Of course his toe problem (he has severe bunions) is not the fact that 2 doctors now (that I dragged him too b/c he won't go himself) have told him genetically he has bad feet. I mean his mother wears braces on her feet in order to walk straight and he has same feet! It's me not "attending to him". I thought to myself this dude is a trip!
I just said well I bought you some toe stretchers and massager's a few months ago and you don't even use them so I at least get points for that. I wanted to say go #$%^ yourself you selfish bastard, I am on kid 3 in 5 years at not a young age and have gotten very little empathy and support from you let alone a single massage! I also wanted to say if it were not for me your double hernia would not be fixed and you would not even know you have genetically bad feet and hips, you would still think it all was a result of your spinal chord injury! I mean the things he has problems with can be fixed. I provide him health insurance through my work. I tell him go get it fixed. Go to therapy we will figure out how to pay for it. Go exercise, sit in hot tub regularly and stretch whatever you need to not be in pain. But he never does it. Seems selfish to me to just bitch and blame someone who has done nothing but support you.
And he wonders why I am ready for divorce after I have this kid, get healthy and get back to work. Which is a whole other story b/c even though I have told him this plan he seems to act like I have never said a word and we are just golden. Need to get off this crazy train!