ADD or something else?

Not saying good bye when leaving.  DH regularly just leaves home without saying a word.  He leaves at different times in the the day as he works out of a big designated home office (even though he is there only about 1 hour a week).  I have a profession out of a home office also. He spends most of his time when home smoking and drinking beer in the garage and doing crossword puzzles (on the average of 4 or 5 hours a day). All of a sudden he is gone and I am left with the sound of his car going out the driveway. When he comes back home (also all times of day and night because he has a warehouse he spends his day at and travels for his business) he doesn't come in to acknowledge me or that he is home.  He usually comes home after 6pm and doesn't come in the house from the garage until about 8 or 10pm.  He stopped coming in for dinners I would have on the stove.  So I stopped making them.  2 years ago he lost about 50 pounds and would say he didn't want to eat anything watching his weight.   This is all suspicious and yucky to me.  I don't believe a word he says because he leaves things out and embellishes and outright lies. His business does not provide a living wage much less for savings.  He will not talk about budgeting or money with me.  When I bring up separation he rolls his eyes like I am annoying him and won't talk about that. He doesn't pay his business bills - I see them piled on his desk - months old.  I feel sick inside and I can't get through this alone but he won't talk about it.  I don't know what sort of professional to talk to.  Accountant, therapist, coach, private investigator, lawyer?  I only know this can't go on.  I know I said I would stop thinking about him and his needs and his behavior but the car exhaust triggered me just now - it feels bad.  My life feels bad. How can I show up with life and energy to friends and family while inside I feel bad a lot?

Pbartender's picture

Not Sure If I Can Help With The Rest, But...

"I know I said I would stop thinking about him and his needs and his behavior but..."

...is something I can understand.  All of us hear the "Stop worrying about them, and do it for yourself and your kids" advice a lot around here.  It's not bad advice, but wow...  It's really hard to do it and still stay friendly and civil when you're still living in the same house.

The rest seems like the same sort of withdrawal I've seen in my wife lately...  She'll come from work and spend the entire evening playing computer games or hiding in her room with a book or her phone.  Sometimes she'll get in her car and just wander off for a few hours.  If I try to engage her in conversation, nine times out of ten I get most of one noncommittal sentence out of her before she ignores me.

It doesn't matter how stoic you are...  that'll get you down.

 

Pb.