So this just happened:
H has not worked for a few years. Retired. He used to have a business that he conducted from a large room we call the office. It is piled high with things like receipts from 5 to 25 years ago - dirty and musty papers and decades old files all over. No horizontal space open. I have been telling him that I would like to clean it up and use the room as a craft room/tv-room. We have a living room, dining room and a very large den. This room is now a very large hoarding storage space that it is impossible to clean. It is starting to smell.
Me: "I am on my way to Good Will (non-profit store of donations). Is there anything you would like me to take along?"
Him: "I'm not going to give my tape dispenser away!!!! I'm going to give that to our son!!!!!"....and then a tirade about the tape dispenser. (Which had nothing to do with me),
Me: "Anything from the office that you are cleaning that you don't use that someone else could use?"
Him: LOUDLY and FORCEFULLY with arms flailing, "I'm told you, Jenna, I'm working on it!!!!!"
Me: Matching his level of sound, "I have been hearing you tell me that for a long time. I don't see you doing that though!"
Him: .....stomping away and slamming fist on table.
I know that organization and throwing things away are challenging to his ADD brain. In any case, I have a bit of OCD. It makes me crazy inside that we have a hoarding room in our house. He also has a hoarding garage, 2 hoarding sheds here, a hoarding shed at his sisters's house and a rented storage space in town. He believes all this stuff is worth money but he just pays for the space and doesn't make any money from the junk.
It makes me want to scream! I like things organized and clean. It seems that us non-ADHD people are supposed to let go of our expectations, to sugar-coat our desires, to soft pedal around the delicate brains of our spouses. What about me? How many decades can a person stuff their own needs before we loose ourselves and hate ourselves and hate our lives? It feels like I have enabled him to act like a lazy, rude, selfish jerk.
Has anyone just gone in and taken charge and done the cleanup of their spouse's neglected space? If so, how did it go?