I have been dating an ADHD guy for 6 months. He was diagnosed 6 years ago, in his late 20s. Since then he took Ritalin from time to time, like when he has an interview, etc. A month ago, he started Adderall, at 10mg a day, but he only took it on “as needed” basis (not the doctor’s order) – i.e. whenever he needs to give a presentation at work. On the days that he does need to give a presentation, he usually stays up all night to prepare, pops a pill in the morning then during lunch. I thought things were going well in the first week, until the burst of rage, name calling, insult, belittling.
His family was in town for a week. On the first night they arrived (one day earlier than planned, which I didn’t know), he invited to dinner with them last minute. Since I had plans that day with my friends already, I just said “ have a good time with ur folks, I will see them this weekend. I will be out with my friends tonight”. He told me to tell him where I was going, to which I didn’t reply precisely, because I didn’t know. Then I didn’t check my phone for 2 hrs when I was out. The amount of verbal abuse over the text as astonishing when I did check my messages close to mid-night, calling me a selfish idiot, having a sex orgy, untrustworthy, making him homeless – because he needed a place to stay having given his apt to his parents for their stay. Saying he could not trust me at all, because he has told me about this for 2 weeks. And then, when I went home, he was just sitting there like a zombie at my apartment lobby. This was the adderall day.
Since that incident, I tried to avoid seeing him on his adderall days, but his mood, anger, distrust were all getting out of control. One night, after his folks took us to dinner, where his dad treated us, he threw a rage at me after the dinner for not having gestured to pick up the check (I had done that for our previous dinner with the family and his dad repeated said he will treat us back). That night, he said I don’t think this is going to work out, to which I replied “sure, fine. bye” The second day, he bought flowers.
He became extremely difficult to please, nothing I do is right. I am on constant fear of when he will blow up next. I helped with his presentation one night, towards the end, he said, just leave it, I will deal with it. Second day he said I had committed an “unheard of career sabotage” – because I didn’t finish his slides for him. That morning, he needed me to wake him up at 5am, I woke up to his 4:50 alarm, which I then turned off, made him coffee (which he asked for the night before) then woke him up at 5. He was outraged, because I had turned off his alarm. He also thinks I am putting stuff in his food/drinks to kill him and pin it on his ex so she gets deported.
The past weekend, I went to DC, didn’t answer his texts for 8 hours, partly scared of what I would see after all the outburst before and partly because I was busy with my god son’s bday party. I eventually checked his messages (which he repeated in all means of electronic communication, email, text, instant msg apps), snapping a picture of DC sent it over snapchat. He again threw a rage, saying I intentionally put the picture timer to be 3 seconds instead of my usual 10s to deceive him, that I think he is dumb and that “my shady behavior disgusts him and that I make it impossible for him to trust me.” When he asked me Sunday afternoon “when are you coming back” to which I replied “7:30”, he again blasted me because I didn’t specify “am/pm” and said “why is it a scuffle just to ask simple information, that I turn every interaction with him into a scuffle, and he doesn’t have energy to scuffle with me and can’t stand it anymore and I need to drastically change my behavior.”
I am lost and second guess everything I do myself, even when he is not around. The other day, when my friend offered me a dab of hand cream and when I reached out my hand to receive it after 5 seconds (after finishing a text), I caught myself thinking, omg I hope she is wont get angry and yell at me (of course my friend would never do that), I should have put out my hand quicker… I am so sorry…
I am scared at this point. I don’t know if it’s ADHD, the adderall, other issues or just the person.