My ADHD husband and I split two months ago, after he flew into a rage one day in early August and left. We had been having serious trouble for about three years, and had been in marriage counseling. He had been taking Wellbutrin for about a year and Adderall for about six months at that point, a 10mg dose twice a day. I didn't really dig into it in August or over the last two months, which have been a nightmare of custody battles and legal wrangling that pretty much wiped us out. But we settled, and for the past two weeks haven't had much contact with each other. The drop-offs/pickups for the kids are at school, so we don't see or talk to each other. My contention all along has been that he's mildly bipolar II as well as being ADHD. He's obviously always been ADHD, but about three years ago started to cycle through depressions and then rages about every 4-5 days.
Anyway, he has seemed suspiciously "together" the past two weeks, at least via Facebook and other reporting (he says he's close to getting a job, he switched rooms with the kids, he made soup for them, he signed up to be a class parent, had a dinner party and things like that). I had a moment of regret, and then I thought, you know, it's far more likely that he's temporarily hypomanic than that they suddenly got his shit together. I wonder if he went off his meds? So I poked around a bit and found that the last time he filled his adderall was July 2, which was also the last time he saw his psychiatrist. The pills would have run out at the beginning of August. His meltdown was August 9. Was it withdrawal? He never mentioned that the doc was going to put him on a different medicine. No other amphetamine was filled. He hasn't seen any other doctors, at least ones that bill the insurance and he doesn't have $400 to shell out in cash for an appointment. I wonder if this whole two months of hell was just because he went cold turkey, and it spun him back into his mood disorder. And if it was, why?
I really want to know why he doesn't know he has a problem? Why would he let his marriage end, almost lose his children and bankrupt the family -- and not do anything about it? If he did, indeed, stop taking the meds in August, wouldn't a person's first thought be, as he drove away from his family, hey, I wonder why this is happening? Maybe it's because I stopped taking a very powerful drug that I need to get anything done and so I don't scream at people? And as the horror progressed, why did he do nothing about it? And now, he probably thinks, wow, I feel great. But there's always a down to his highs. After 10 years together, I can see them coming.
I can't turn back the clock, but if there is a down coming, I worry about his visitations with the kids. He has them nearly half the time, and I fear what's going to happen if he does get a job, and has to juggle real life like a regular person.
Has anyone who has been through this with an ADHDer who just goes off meds got any thoughts on what the progression might be? If I have to go back to court, I will. But I don't have anything I can prove right now. I can't tell the judge, "I know he's off his meds because he made soup." Although, I bet all of you here can recognize that as a symptom.