I have noticed that a few of the new posters have mentioned that their relationships (even long relationships that seemed to be fine) started to get frustrating around the time a child or children were born. This has been my experience exactly and I am currently grieving for the nuclear family we will never be. The unpredictability, extra work, organization,etc. that come with having children has pushed my husband's coping skills to the brink which has in turn pushed our marriage to the brink. He just can't seem to enjoy the children for large amounts of time and I am starting to think that the greatest gift I can give him at this point is a divorce where we visit him every weekend so he can enjoy the children, but never be responsible for their care. I think it might be the greatest gift I could give the children as well, particularly my 4 year old son who is so confused and frustrated with my husband's alternating inattentiveness and frustration with him and then the periods of time where is is totally attentive and fun (short, infrequent periods of the latter).
My husband's coping skills before the kids were amazing when I read what others are dealing with. He was the first in his family to get a university degree and has kept a stable, excellent job for 17 years. He uses electronic cues, alarm clocks and all kinds of other rituals to keep himself organized. He was never diagnosed but knows he has ADHD. He is totally in denial that he has not developed coping skills for parenting and is unwilling to go to counselling to help him/us develop any. And that's where I'm at and why I feel divorce may be our next step. Looking for others considering something similar.