ADD...Loving It: Have the right partner??? (spoiler alert)

I just saw the show.  What I liked about it:

(1) Really informative regarding how its diagnosed, treatments, ramifications, gave hope.   (2) Funny.   (3) Relaxed and clear presentation of information.

What I did not like:

(1) The part where they said "Have the right partner".

That made me nervous, primarily because it made me think about my husband and how our marriage and family life has really been arranged around HIM all these years.  The thing is, I rant here- but for years, my response to his behavior WAS to adapt the environment.  Since the early years of our marriage, I noticed that he got overwhelmed easily. I know I did some initial crabbing, but I really don't like to fight about the same things repeatedly, so my approach has been to do it myself, or to "outsource" it to make it a non-issue whenever possible. 

 The process was request, request again, complain, do it myself/outsource.  And yes, I always said "please" and "thank you".  And yes, I would give him just "bits" of the job to keep him from feeling overwhelmed.  Didn't work.

 At this point, my husband doesn't have to do housework, laundry or "babysitting"; no homework, appointments, shopping, vacation planning or family paperwork (including taxes and investments). No day to day school-related tasks, only transports the kids for  2 min/day. No meal planning/cooking, bathing kids, parent/teacher conference. No packing lunches, picking out kids clothes for school (I lay them out).  Very little diaper changing, little disciplining, no bedtime enforcement, no special school projects.  

My husband has only these chores (1) take the garbage to the curb 1 x week (2) pick the kids up from my mother's and bring home after school (4 x week, 2 min. drive). (3) take son to therapy (1 x week for 1 hour).  (4) mow the law (summers; only does it 3 x entire summer- yikes!) and (5)  keep the driveway clear in winter.  (6) Pay the monthly bills (nearly all of which are on automatic payment).   I never say anything about the lawn, though it looks terrible.  The winter driveway maintenance is more imperative; it is 250 ft long, and getting my son's wheelchair down a snowy, icy driveway to catch the school bus is really hard, and at times dangerous (he took a job that he has to go in earlier now, so I put the kid on the bus).  I do crab about that at times; primarily because he doesn't get it done but refuses to "allow" me to hire it out, which I would prefer to do.  

He is also responsible for car and home maintenance, but does not do either when he should-  another job I would prefer to hire out- and not fight about- but he won't "allow" it.   I am serious when I say that I waited 9 months (quietly) for him to replace the light bulb over the dining room table.  Yes, I have crabbed on this site about my basement not being finished.  But I haven't said a word about it TO HIM in over 7 years.  When we argue, it is almost always because he is so controlling that he tries to interfere with things that I am doing that make me happy.  

We have no financial problems; he has no real worries.  I do not fight with him about these tasks.  I do not belittle him for not doing these tasks, I do not call him names, I rarely yell.  I get angry, but silently.  He doesn't have to figure out the day to day of life and I rarely ask him to pitch in and help with the household chores.  If he decides to do a chore, for ex. fold laundry, I am not controlling or perfectionistic;  I do not quibble with him about HOW he folds it.  When he wants to change jobs, I update his resume for him.  On weekends, I make sure the children do not disturb him if he is sleeping in.  He goes where he likes, when he likes.  He buys what he wants, when he wants.  He sleeps when he wants.   I do/manage so much, in addition to working outside the home.  It has been this way for 10 years now...

So WHY is he so stressed and b*tchy all the time?  Is there a "more right" partner for him- one who will take care of 100% of his life, rather than just 90% ?  Is this not a stellar example of "don't sweat the small stuff?" like Mrs. McKenna (McKinney?) said in the movie? He has so much "support".  Yet, he is always angry.  Yet, he cannot get his 10% done....