This weekend my DH was out of town and I accidently set off the house alarm. I was mortified, had no idea how to stop alarm (it is not monitored), but with the help of neighbors got everything under control. The experience left me shaken, however, and brought to light some feelings I have long suppressed. My husband arrived home in the early morning hours, so when we finally had a chance to talk I was anxious to share my feelings. He, however, remained fixated on what I had done to set off the alarm. I mean he was FIXATED...to the point where he really heard nothing else I was saying. In fact, by the end of the conversation he was hurt and angry and no longer talking to me.
My DH has some wonderful traits and some absolutely horrifically annoying traits (I probably do too, I realize that, but his are worse I'm sure of it!). Whenever we speak of feelings or needs it's as if I were speaking the language of the Navajo. He cannot repeat what I've said nor does he understand the simplest things I may try to share. For instance, he is forever leaving me behind - if we start a walking program together within a week he is getting up earlier than me and going alone, always pushing himself to do more. If we start reading the bible together he rushes ahead and leaves me in the dust - I want to experience it together and he wants to conquer. He has a hobby that takes him away from home 3 Saturdays every month. When he is not participating in his hobby he is preparing, planning & focuses most of his energy on it. He spends little or no time thinking about or trying to improve our marriage. I've tried to explain to him it's as simple as planning a date with me for later in the week, something I can look forward to doing, and yet it doesn't stick. I feel lonely and disconnected.
I know many men are not as emotionally connected as women, yet there is something different about my DH that I just can't grasp. I am beginning to really resent what I perceive to be his selfishness. I don't know if he has ADHD, if he does he's high functioning because he's held the same job for over 30 years, but I'd almost welcome a diagnosis to help explain his lack of understanding when it comes to some of the simplest things. Is it ADHD or is he just dumb and selfish?