I need advice. My boyfriend gets very aggressive and angry when he feels that another driver has "wronged" him, and it scares me. Every time it happens, we argue because he doesn't get that he's putting people at risk.
I'm tired of arguing with him about it. I've told him that it scares me, puts me at risk, dangers my life, we don't know what the other drivier is capable of, theres always 2 ways to handle a situation and he chooses the dangerous way, he's not teaching anyone a lesson by getting back at them, he needs to control his anger, what if I was pregnant, what if there was an accident, you can drive however you want when you're alone but you can't drive this way with me in the car, is this how you carry precious cargo, etc....
I've tried every line I could think of and I've said them all humorously, seriously, and then angrily. The only thing he'll apologize for is that I thought my life was at risk ("but you're the only one that felt that way"...his words). So, it happens again...and we argue again...
So does anyone have any advice as to how to talk to someone with ADHD about their aggressive driving? Any other tactics I could try??
I almost always say that I'll
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I almost always say that I'll drive when my husband and I are going somewhere in the same vehicle. This reduces the danger to me and has also improved my driving skills. Every once in a while, I'll ask him to drive, for example if it's really slippery, but otherwise, I take the wheel. I didn't talk extensively with my husband about his negative behaviors in the car but enough to know that I wasn't going to convince him, and eventually I decided to take action instead of talking pointlessly.
I've considered that, driving
Submitted by pjkim2010vt@gma... on
I've considered that, driving whenever we're together, but I was hoping not to have to resort to that.
I hope other people who have
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I hope other people who have had more positive experiences with this issue will chime in. I hate to be so negative, but this is one area in which my husband seems especially resistant to having a useful conversation. When he's driving and one of our adult daughters is the passenger, I tell her to keep an eye on his level of alertness.
Surprisingly this morning, he
Submitted by pjkim2010vt@gma... on
Surprisingly this morning, he has started reading on anger and aggression, all on his own. I sent him some links to articles regarding ADHD and aggressive driving to read also. We've had our first conversation about it, just 20 minutes ago, where it seems that he is finally starting to see/accept it.
Up to this point, he would always get defensive and feel justified in his actions. I feel like we're making a step in the right direction.
That is great! I hope the
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
That is great! I hope the progress continues.
Thank you
Submitted by pjkim2010vt@gma... on
Thank you
Tell Him to Look Up Imaptience Too
Submitted by kellyj on
I was surprised to learn that impatience is a form of anger and aggression too. It was surprising to read just how deep that topic goes. I think the ADHD is just an exacerbating component not the issue itself. I have ADHD and I needed to look this up as a reference to my wife so it can work both ways.
J
Oh, very interesting.
Submitted by pjkim2010vt@gma... on
Oh, very interesting.
Thanks for the input. We'll definitely look into that.
My dh won't slow down behind
Submitted by copingSAH on
My dh won't slow down behind the wheel if he sees a group or individual crossing the road. I'm not sure if it's because they are not in the crosswalk or walking against the light. He will swerve at the last minute, causing them all to jump out of the way or yell at him as he speeds off. I have even felt him step on the gas ever so slightly.
He denies doing that but I am very sensitive to motions like that in the car and many times it feels like he's just a hot head and just completely unaware of repercussions. He has a good driving record, if you call that sort of weirdness he's gotten away with "good".
It's insanely dangerous and risky if he thinks to put some fear into people like that. It's petty and completely selfish way of acting. i call him on it, and he starts fighting dirty with me, that I'm the one messed up in the head. ugh.