Hello everyone..


let me just say thank you to all of really helps to know that somewhere out there someone understand me...


Does any one have experience with ADHD and Bipolar, my husband has both and im just about to run far away and change me and my childrens names so we can not be found. This life in utter torture...any words would be helpful..thank you!!

MagicSandwich's picture

Does this sound right?

Hi Janet. This first person article written by the spouse of somebody with BiPolar says the words I can't seem to put together myself. So much of this description overlaps with many of the ADHD narratives on this site. Is the following description similar to your experience? "Living with a bipolar spouse is exhausting and can be TOXIC. For years, I wondered if I was as inferior and "stupid" as I was told. Often, my husband would manipulate me by stating, "You have contributed nothing" in regards to my worth in the marriage. He always restricted me with unreasonable demands. I was not allowed to work outside the home, answer the phone, or get mail. This, I now understand, was an attempt to hide the uncontrolled side of his bipolar personality. He has always found it difficult  to be empathetic emotionally or reassuring physically. There were times when I just needed a hug or a simple touch. Instead, I was met with loud outbursts of cruel insults and delusional accusations, as if he was enraged by my troubles. Naturally his anger made him blame me for most everything that went awry. Honor in holding a job, participating in child care, maintaining the home or vehicles, managing money, or being truthful in much of anything seemed an impossibility. He developed the flaw of habitual lying, even concerning the slightest issue. He put on a great show to others, in always bragging about his attributes. He was indeed in those days, quite the charmer.


When I met him, he had both euphoric modes and depressive modes. I still recall how sweet and generous he could be. He was quite outgoing and very confident. I was very attracted to his charisma. During the "highs" he did however, make poor decisions based on unrealistic thoughts. He refused to consult or share with me these "executive decisions" he made. We have lost businesses, homes, vehicles, friendships, dignity, and our credit. I was always forced into silence or I would receive his vicious verbal violence. I was countlessly reminded he was the "bread winner" and thus entitled to making all the decisions. I came to enjoy the less frequent "highs", because I knew it was the only time he was capable of being civil and surprisingly "nice" or overly generous. His condition has been untreated, although diagnosed. He refused medications for more than a month or two. He seemingly does not acknowledge the disparity of his condition or accept it. Throughout the 40 plus years I have been married to him, he has greatly deteriorated. He has kept me from friends and family or any support by alienating those folks. I find it comforting when night falls and his slumber is deeper. It is my only escape. Now he is borderline psychotic and sleeps most of the day and all night refusing to work or look for employment. We have lost two exceptionally profitable businesses in the last six months. Our credit is ruined as he has paid no bills. He makes tangible commitments to improving our life in various ways, but NEVER follows through. We have gone from an abusive marriage to a hellish daily torment. I no longer trust him as he lies about everything and hides very important details of life. He talks about killing me in joking manner. He also discusses his wanting to just die and that he has "given up". MOST DISTURBING. Wish he had told me in advance, before he coerced me into lending him my life savings. I am sure he will never return the funds. All the stress of coping with him has provoked severe and relentless Panic Attacks for myself. I recently was hospitalized to control my outrageous blood pressures, pulses, and irregular heart rhythms due to his rages and the repercussions of his ill decisions. I have several health disorders undeniably related to the trauma I face on a daily basis. He lied and told me our health insurance was paid. Instead, I discovered it was not, and I now personally owe over $30,000.00 in medical debt. I wonder if he has life insurance still as he has allowed it to lapse so many times in the past. He "bought" me a car a few years back while in a "high". To my dismay, it was leased in my name, through a business we co-owned at the time. I now also owe back payments and turn in fee for that. He has forged my signature many countless times. He has nearly depleted my life savings, which I need since he has never had a saving account, IRA, 401, or any form of financial assurance for retirement or emergency. He sits and cries, or sleeps, or rages. This is who he has become.

The first question one would ask is why you tolerated this all these years? My answer is that he created such a co-dependency that I no longer even know who I am. He has berated me into thinking I am subhuman. I have no income because I am disabled. I have no one to turn to. We are now on several state assisted programs, much to my shame. I know I should run...but I can't even crawl right now."