ADHD and dysfunctional coping

Hi everyone - I have been reading blogs and forum on this site for some time and find it really helpful.  I've been married to my husband for 15 years.  7 years into the marriage he was diagnosed with ADHD while in counseling for

an affair I discovered.  It wasn't a great time in our lives.  He's been on medication since but stopped counseling about 1 year after diagnosis.  We have a 10 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago by his school.  My husband

and son are both on the same meds.  Our son is struggling in school, our marriage is on the rocks and along the way somewhere during the years, my drinking developed from a way to deal with the stress to a real problem.  I am starting therapy with 

a recovery specialist this week as I know I need to be in recovery to make good life decisions.  


My husband dislikes any type of counseling and feels that being on meds is sufficient.  Trust me that it's not in the slightest way enough.  I am also going to start my son back into ADHD counseling his school initially referred.  I'm feeling overwhelmed

and just wondering if anyone has overcome a drinking or other compulsive coping problem.  I don't blame my husband for my drinking - that's my responsibility.  But I feel I need a lot of support at this time because he's always put our son first over 

our relationship.  He recently told me so flatly.  That's when I had the wake up call to get sober and figure out how I want to live the rest of my life - and what type of marriage I want  to see my son model.  And this is not a good example for him.

My husband treats our son more like a friend than being a father - compulsively gaming with him - including driving while playing Pokemon Go (their new game).  My husband is constantly late for everything, frequently haa

anger issues (both directed at me and my son) that erupt out of nowhere, can't financially manage himself (so I pay and manage the household bills), and has no desire to plan for a future.  He is content to live day to day.  Forgget

about retirement.  


Thank you for any input.