New to this community, why has it taken me so long to find it??? I am ADHD, mid 30's, my BF and I have gone through soooo many problems, always just before that time of the month. We've been together for 2 years and it's not been easy but it's been amazing. He is the love of my life (i feel that like 25/28 days of each month) and the other 3 I just don't know....i know i love him but i feel like i have to put up with constant compalints, anger outbursts from him, misinterpretation, etc....I know that I already have issues with dopamine and that my adhd symptoms get exacerbated, about 5-7 days prior to the start of my cycle. I do not take birth control, because I want to have a kid in the near future, cleansing my body of those hormones, since i've been on them most of my menstruating life.
Fights start out of nowhere, somehow he's upset about something I said, or my tone, or how i reacted to something, or a joke I said, he tells me I am not aware i'm doing something or that's rude, or not loving, or etc, or etc...., sometimes i see it, and go okay thats awful but by the time i have finished recognizing and apologizing, it's too late, has become a full blown fight. Sometimes i totally don't see what he's saying and my very questioning is what begins fights. I have gone to therapy for a long time, love it, because it allows me the ability to grow in a vulnerable place - it's like a green house for the brain. I learn more and more about ADHD everyday and wish i could remember what i learned when i needed it. I feel like as I'm getting a little older the more difficulty I am having managing it. I swear i try so hard, omg, so hard, and meds only work for a certain amount of time. My adhd causes lots of issues in our relationship, it's a cycle that happens every month, i try to anticipate it and something always sneaks up that wasn't on my radar- coincidentally, I also don't get much sleep, always awake at 3am, no matter what, so my lack of sleep doesn't help me stay as aware as possible. I know that it's not an excuse, but adhd explains a lot, being aware of being aware is like so hard. I get frustrated because I am blamed for not trying, i already fight my self everyday to not be any of the things my BF says I am, then hormones happen and bam, back in the gutter, apologizing like crazy, barley treading out, every time. It's gotten our relationship to the point that he's just feeling over it....the idea that he may also have adhd has crossed my mind, but then again he couldn't, he's a very successful engineer that's excelled academically, he doesn't struggle the way I struggle, or else he'd probably be more compassionate. I don't know what to do, i have asked my doctor about putting me on more meds beside adderall but he didn't think that was a good idea. I have asked my BF to seek counseling together to figure out some solutions, while he understands that this happens every month, he says im the one with problem that i need to figure this one out on my own and figure out what I really want, because he is convinced that i do not respect him, love him, appreciate him, list goes on, no matter how much i explain to him, he refuses to see adhd and hormones and real reasons for our issues. I however do not deny wanting help, he just doesn't want to do it with me.....i know this is 100% about learning to communicate, anyone else out there that can relate on either side? Any suggestions that I can try to make myself better during this time? Or suggestions to asking him in a better way to fight this battle together? Or is this purley a "me" issue in our relationship?