Adhd and OCD, but is there more

My partner who is 62 has just been diagnosed as adhd, but he does control doing all the things around the house. Everything has to be tidy and if he sees a job that needs doing he has to just do it there and then. So they say he has a bit of OCD and also PTSD from his job in the security image. For a while I was convinced he was narcissitic as he put me thru years of emotional and psychological abuse but then an incident happened that made him see a psychologist and the diagnosise was made. It has helped me understand the hyper focusing on me and then the acting like I don't exist in his life but does adhd also mean he has a tendancy to domestic abuse. He swears and is aggressive when he is stressed and denies things he has done or said that hurt people. We split up for a while and he got back in contact talking marriage, he got me to choose a ring several months ago get my finger sized and give him the details so he could go get it. Wanting to propose when he had some work stuff sorted. He said he had the ring .... This was now what I can see as a hyper focus stage as yesterday I heard from the jeweler and he had never made contact in the last few months and the ring was now sold. When I tried to mention this in a calm way he asked why I questioned him And he hasn't spoke to me since other than he has a lot on his plate. He runs his own business but history is repeating and I don't know if it's just adhd I'm dealing with or how to talk to him without getting aggression or silent treatment in return