I know this subject has been posted on, some time back, but I'd like to post a little more about it. An article came across my computer about passive-aggressive men, and even though my husband has severe ADHD, he is ALSO extremely passive aggressive. I read for at least 2 hours on everything I could find on passive-aggressiveness, and he does almost everything someone does when they have PA behavior. There's been so many things, I've been trying to figure out.........is he narcissistic.........is he bi-polar.......anything to explain his "absence" in our relationship. (which is now in divorce proceedings)
But, now after reading about passive-aggressive behavior, I have to say he is mostly a passive-aggressive man (with ADHD) who stays in denial about himself, won't look at any of his behavior, blames me and anyone/everything else for all his troubles and there's nothing I can do to change him, or even get him to try, I've given up, because it's done SO MUCH DAMAGE to my own self worth. You can't love someone who "punishes" you by withdrawing from the relationship and then blames YOU because "they" hurt and don't feel loved. This behavior KILLS relationships, and causes severe damage to all involved, and also is covert abuse. I do hope he learns someday about HIMSELF, and DARES ask himself the hard questions that need to be asked, Passive aggressive behavior is learned in childhood, and when I thought about my husband's childhood, it was the perfect "set up" for his learned behavior. He never got past it, and kept it going, so that he wouldn't get "attached" to anyone, or let them KNOW he "needed" them. But, at the same time, he's never wanted me to go anywhere, even though he's denied me attention and love. It's really sick behavior.
I've had to look hard at myself and question all my actions, decisions, etc. and it's been very hard. I don't feel very good about myself currently, and I have more questions to ask myself. I'm also reading about the type of woman who chooses the passive aggressive man, and why. It is very revealing and truthful in my situation. I need to re-learn how to do many things. Also be more assertive in " just saying NO, when it comes to poor behaviors toward me".
Has anyone else here had a therapist talk to them about passive aggressive behavior and ADHD? or is there co-morbid things like that in your relationships? just wondering.